The Magnificent Tuti

There's an old internet adage about cats choosing their humans.

The lives of street cats in Manila aren't long, and they certainly aren't pleasant ones. The city can be a dark, terrible, empty, wet place filled with people who only yearn for fancier breeds much like they yearn for designer goods and whatnot.

The first time we met you, my girlfriend fed you outside the apartment, much to my disdain. This became an increasingly frequent occurrence, despite the fact that we sometimes saw you being fed and cuddled by neighbors outside (much to our bewildered amusement). Slowly but inevitably, however, you wormed your way into our hearts.

We rescued you, perhaps in the nick of time, after you were abandoned and wounded and most likely left to die like many of your kind. I personally nursed you back from the brink. That month when you went from a skeleton to a ball of fur will forever be a warm memory that perhaps proves I'm capable of doing some good in this world. That month when it was just you and me started a bond distinct to us both.

Who knew you'd grow into a bundle of eccentric joy?

Cats certainly have unique personalities - something one would know if they've been around them for long enough. You were lazy, but had frequent bursts of energy. You were patient, always silently waiting for your bowl to be filled behind all of your other companions. You loved cheek scratches, and had this weird glitch where you'd lick the air whenever your lower back was rubbed. You were snippy at times, but almost seemed like you wanted to be paraded around while being carried like a baby. You blepped when you were idle and it was the most adorable thing.

These are moments I will miss.

Sadly, it was never really meant to last. FIV is a real bitch. I guess it was inevitable, but we never thought it would happen in these trying times. We were fighting incredible odds. I hope you felt comfort and love and contentment in the short time you spent with us.

Like the first time we truly bonded, it was once again just the two of us in a small room with me holding you in my arms. That final hour we spent will stay with me for a very long time - with me comforting you and telling you it was okay, that you were always a fighter, that I was there and won't leave you again. You certainly didn't need my permission to cross over, but it felt like you did.

Maybe that's the toughest, most painful part. To have someone I cared for pass in my arms. I felt your last breath. I felt you let go. I don't think I've ever broken down like that. It is a small mercy that you waited for me despite the suffering. In your last moments, you still managed to capture my heart.

I don't think I'll ever know if pets are sentient like humans are. Yesterday will always be a point for that argument, at least for me.

"Hinintay ka na lang nya."

I heard that phrase a lot yesterday. It wasn't the first time I did, but it was the first time I felt how powerful those words can be. 

Your passing made me feel a raw, scorching pain I've never felt before, and I dread that I will inevitably feel that pain again as the years go by. Right now, the mark you left feels painful - an abrupt void that will take time to heal. Only time will tell how indelible that mark will be.

Right now though, it feels like a space was left empty and cold in my heart.

To Anxiety and Beyond

They say that video game addiction is pure escapism - that there's something about real life that makes one spend hours upon hours avoiding it.

Maybe I'm still trying to figure out what I'm mentally running from - or maybe it's something I already know deep down and I'm just in denial trying to shield myself from realizing it. If there's anything I know with absolute certainty, it's that I'm in desperate need for a change.

What change that is, of course, is still up in the air (although I have a pretty good idea of what it probably is).

We spent a couple of days in my happy place recently - doing stuff like picking grapes, going to the beach and other whatnot that my younger self would have foolishly taken for granted. In that brief weekend, I felt a sense of relief I haven't felt in months. There was a mixture of fleeting sadness and disdain at the end of the trip because there was a real life we had to go back to. Perhaps the longing for an escape has grown into its own vice - a vice that I don't see myself trying to fight.

I've been waking up much earlier for the past few days (and dreaded the sheer notion that I'll need to will myself awake weeks beforehand). I've also been playing a lot less video games for a while now, for what that's worth. Maybe it's because my time for meaningful (or senseless) conversations, much needed sleep and winding-down-stuff have been cut drastically that I can't fit in some things anymore. In that time, I've learned how to play D&D (another thing my younger self would have scoffed at). I've cooked an awesome batch of hotpot. I've been trying to get myself started on doing a few crafts again.

People need little victories every now and then.

It's that pathological itch for learning rearing its familiar head again. "That's a good thing", someone once told me, or rather, someone told themselves while we were in a conversation. Without much choice in the matter, I agreed.

I feel like I'm at a different level of anxiety lately - the kind that ties the stomach in knots every waking moment and makes one reconsider their life choices. I remember a story about one of my college friends. Shortly after we graduated, he got a job at a call center, called it quits after mere days and returned to school to take a second degree in the medical field. He never looked back, and back then I wondered why anyone would make such a mistake in life.

These days, I know that it was I who was wrong. Four years are nothing compared to the rest of one's lifetime.

There are two more important things I've learned so far since then.

First, life is too short for us let our mistakes run too long. More importantly, life is long enough to allow us to correct them and live the rest committing more meaningful ones.

2015 - A Look Back

"Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are."

- Paolo Coelho

Alive. I'm happy to be living in the here and the now.

2015 has shown me that, and much more. There have been days when I saw my five-day-a-week routine as a mental prison, with the boredom and the stress slowly eating away inside. It's true that people sometimes hate  change - and now I realize that sometimes it has been me who was resisting change. The world, no matter how important anyone makes themselves feel, will always move forward. New doors will open and close along the way, and sometimes it takes someone choosing to get up and walk through to make a difference in their lives.

We can make things happen by choosing to make choices.

Challenge of the Year

Travelling to a foreign country alone and (literally barely) making it back.

Games of the Year

For expansions, I loved how The Taken King was put together. This was Destiny's best raid yet, and it encouraged entire fireteams to participate actively during the course of the expansion's flagship activity.

Until Dawn had me going until, well, dawn. I'm slightly partial to it because I've never seen anything similar to one of my favorite PS3 games - Heavy Rain - and the storytelling for this one was just as intense, if not more so.

Meal of the Year

Probably that bowl of arbi gosht (which may or may not have been what made me very sick).

Movies of the Year

Besides Star Wars (which is pretty much unanimous) and the various superhero movies this year?

Well, there's Kingsman, which turned out to be better than I expected (and certainly not for the squeamish). Then there's Maggie, a zombie drama starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. It's surprisingly good, and showed that the Governator has more things up his sleeves these days. There's Oren Peli's Area 51, yet another found footage film (that I'm a sucker for) about the eponymous desert base. Lastly, there's the infamous Heneral Luna which is a massive bummer for anyone who hasn't seen it by now.

What I'm Thankful for This Year

Hayao, the best cat in the universe. For being able to travel extensively and meeting a lot of new people. For being able to finish NaNoWriMo sans planning, and having the most supportive girlfriend who'll suffer reading through it next year. For being shown that the future holds so many options, and for the hope that we'd be able to take the path that would lead us to the best possible future.

And for being healthy, alive, and able to continue my battles another day. 

Later!

Week 33 - Chapter 26

The funny thing about birthdays is that we never really feel any different from the person we were the previous year.

The subtle nuances we collect over the years would tell us otherwise,and for the most part, those small changes are the best part of growing up. It's almost like getting experience points and feats and perks in the grand game called Life.

It's been a good run so far.

Later!

Week 32 - On Wants

"Somewhere along the line, that train always gets derailed."
- David Wong, 5 Ways You're Sabotaging Your Own Life (Without Knowing It)

So we had dinner this past week with one of the management folks which, interestingly, turned out to be the most interesting one I've experienced so far.

A lot of non-work things have been talked about (and by a lot I mean we spent over three hours in the restaurant), most of which I've been having a think about over the past few days.

I've known (and have acknowledged this) this for a very long time now - most days I daydream about things I'd rather do over the actual thing I'm doing (ie. work). Maybe I'm hoping to rationalize a lot of things (as I often tend to do), but the article linked above sort of hits the mark for the rather demotivating thoughts I've been having lately.

Please, do yourself a favor and read that article.

1. Do Not Focus on How to Accomplish Something Instead of Focusing on Why

Asking people to tell something relatively obscure about themselves has always been an interesting conversation starter. It's a good way to open up topics about people's interests, as well as find common ground on which everyone involved could relate to. Our dinner wasn't any different, so I'll start with that.

I know that the three or so people (and kajillion bots) who regularly drop by this blog are probably sick of it by now, but my answer was obviously something related to writing as an outlet.

The follow-up question was something along the lines of how I did it. Looking back, I'm guessing that my answer to how I did it was irrelevant as compared to why I did it. The (ironic) thing is that I can't really pinpoint a why. I could give different answers on different days, and any of them could be the truth on that particular day.

I guess people put value on things that are personally important to them. I guess that's why people seem to be so absorbed by the things they do, even if it doesn't make much sense to the people around them. Others may see an obsession but maybe people just have an affinity for different things. Humans are an incredibly subjective lot, even if it's something we hate to admit.

I wish I could apply that to other parts of my life.

2. Think About What Part of You Will Die

This bring up the question of time or, perhaps more accurately, of how other people seem to always have a staggering amount of things on their plate in addition to the doldrums of day-to-day life (compared to us).

I guess the best way to look at it is by looking at ourselves along with our priorities, and coming to terms with the fact that everything we do is inherently important to us whether we would care to admit it or not.

I'm not saying spending time chasing after our own shadows is a bad thing - in fact, that's how we learn more about ourselves and the world around us. I'm saying everyone has exactly the same amount of time given to them in a day to do whatever - eat, sleep, work, play - and it's a matter of choosing what we feel (and I mean really feel, without the influence of others) is worth a chunk of our time.

I remember our colleague telling us how much free time he suddenly had when he cut out television from his life years ago. Blame spending years on shift work, but it's something I can personally attest to.

If I was made to choose again, I think the price of no longer watching TV was well worth the time it freed up for other more (personally) meaningful things.

3. Do Not Pretend You'll Magically Become Someone Else and;
4. Do Not Focus on the Whole Instead of the Next Step

I guess the next two points go hand-in-hand.

It's obvious, but it bears repeating: there is no shortcut. There never has been, there never will be and there is no point in blissfully hoping for one.

It's all nice and well to say that everything begins with the first step (because it's true) but I guess it's also worth knowing that all of life is a continuous series of things to do right until our part in the Great Story ends.

Life is a personal project and it's the most flexible piece of work we'll ever do because we own the itinerary - most of which is a blank slate.

If there's something that's worth wanting bad enough to pursue as a goal (see the first point), we will always somehow find the time to do it amidst all the other things we have to do (see second point) and actually start working towards it instead of wishfully thinking we'd attain it someday (see point three) even if it takes a good long while (see point four).

5. Do Not Lie to Yourself About What You Actually Want

I guess David's last point is the most important. He said that at the heart of every unfulfilled ambition in life lies the confusion on the meaning of the word 'want'. He said that we use it in two very different ways - as a statement of intended action (as in "I want to save for a vacation") and as a statement of general preference over something we have no control of (as in "I want world peace").

I remember the first day of November last year. I wanted to write, and so I sat down and wrote. By the time the day ended the counter stood at over ten thousand words - roughly a fifth of the minimum required to finish the event. It felt good knowing that I had twenty-nine more days to work with the last eighty percent and I'll be damned if I fail. No, it felt right.

I guess that's what's both terrifying and fascinating when David said that as time goes on, everyone gets what they want.

We place personal stakes on the goals that we truly feel are genuinely important to us as a person. Maybe, just maybe, that's how the world (both inside and outside our head) is conquered.

Later!

Week 30 - Ludo

A hub for tabletop games - that was the Dream.

In many ways, it still is - but someone beat us to it (and bless them for that).

The brothers (and brother's other half) went to Tomas Morato last weekend to spend some time in Ludo Boardgame Bar and Cafe. My brother has been raving about the place for over three weeks now, so I was eager to know what was special about it.

I guess our collective curiosities have been piqued - we ended up spending over six hours playing a whole bunch of games from a selection that literally spanned the walls of the place. This is no ordinary hobby shop. I've never seen so many gamers gather in one place before (other than M:TG tourneys, and heaven knows how hostile the atmosphere tends to be during those events), so that was new.

I must say that the place gets packed as time goes by, so reserving a table would be a good idea.

I'm guessing that Ludo is the best way to sample games before deciding to buy them. In a country like the Philippines, gaming is still an incredibly expensive hobby, be it physical or digital. I'd have to commend the owners for the concept behind a place like Ludo, and I do hope they stay around for a long time.

Or at least until we get to set up their competition.

Later!

Week 20 - Year One

Beautiful things come to us when we need them most.

I've been trying to write about this thought over the past week, desperately attempting to coincide with our anniversary.

I've failed.

For some incomprehensible reason, I've ran into a brick wall at each attempt. I've given it much thought for the past few days (and I swear I really did).

Maybe it's a bit of a cop-out (yet I'll never admit it squarely), but I realized that perhaps it's because I've written little things over the past year - snippets and notes that I'm pretty sure I can't really remember how to decrypt anymore (hah).

If there's anything to be said to sum things up (and something I could share with the world), it's that the promise of easily walking the elysian fields of perfection does not (and should never) define a relationship.

It's the acceptance that there will be happy days and there will be slightly sad ones (and there will be plenty days in-between) that makes it a journey of personal and mutual growth. And that's okay, because it is the belief that both people are working towards a net balance in the happy ones that makes it all worthwhile.

And speaking of journeys, a whole bunch of us headed for Corregidor last Saturday. It was a guided tour (from Sun Cruises) and I must admit that it was much more interesting than what I expected.

Pictures, a quick summary and whatnot after the cut, as always.

Week 15 - Pinto

So last weekend, the Girlfriend and I went to the Pinto Art Museum in Antipolo, a spacious and privately owned facility that houses both indoor and outdoor art exhibits and installations created by local artists.

I love the place - there's no denying that. Like BenCab, its relative obscurity ensures that the place isn't crowded by rowdy children and noisy cityfolk while its relative proximity to Manila (which consists of an hour's worth of commute from Cubao) makes it easy to find if one is patient enough to follow instructions found online.

The entrance fee, a mere one hundred fifty pesos for adults, is a steal. Pinto is a complex of gardens and galleries set on a hillside - and one could easily notice how the owners of the place try to keep it unspoilt, secluded and filled to the brim with artistic pieces. I swear that I'm not making this up - even their washrooms are filled with paintings and sculptures among other things. It's almost too easy to miss them when one really has to go do their thing since they don't look like washrooms in the first place.

The art gallery is huge, and the following pictures definitely do not give it justice. I'd have to say that my favorite installation was the Bamboo Forest - a very dark room filled with artificial bamboo trees that extend to the ceiling, illuminated by dim light that reflects off several artificial ponds. It's very hard to describe it in writing, but the best approximate I could give is that it felt like a scene from a random samurai movie where the characters meditate in a quiet bamboo grove. I think its scale is something I'd never expect to see depicted in local modern art.

I'd recommend everyone to give Pinto a visit at least once, especially those who have even a passing interest at art. This museum is well worth the trip, and I think the owners somehow managed to capture their rather ambitious vision for the place.

As always, a few pictures after the cut. Enjoy!

Week 13 - Mithril Linings

"A devel­oped coun­try is not a place where the poor have cars. It’s where the rich use pub­lic trans­port."
– Enrique Penalosa

It's another terribly late post - I'll try not to make a habit out of it.

Anyhow, it's been an exhausting week going to work thanks to the MRT messing up their operations from Monday up until Thursday last week. It's quite unbelievable that a significant piece of Manila's public transport system cannot get their shit together after almost fifteen years of operations. I cannot stress how terrible it is to bake inside the equivalent of a human oven under the disturbingly humid Manila summer during the middle of the day - something I'd never want to experience again (but inevitably will). It's sad that the prevalent mindset for improvement in this country is minimal at best - and focuses on reactive improvement as opposed to proactive work. I'm really holding out for the old guard to be replaced by the next generation - people who really care for what they do instead of just looking to line their greedy pockets with gold while they maintain a bottleneck for the rest of us.

In better news, I finally have it! They were only a year and a half late, but I guess Evertide pulled through by constantly providing their backers with updates on the ups and downs of developing their flagship product. I have yet to open the cards (as I want to get card sleeves to protect them) but it's nice to see my name in the game's credits as a supporter of Loathing.

We also got to visit Gino's Makati branch last Sunday. I've always wanted to try it there ever since I've heard the praise for their food from Mo Twister's morning show (which is something I don't take lightly). I have no picture (because we were hungry), but we were impressed not only by their pizza but also their burrata. While I still prefer the Maginhawa-based Friuli Trattoria's pizza, Gino's isn't too far behind.

Also, we got to see Winter Soldier as well. I should say it's much better than the previous film and I prefer it over the flashiness of Iron Man's movies and the brawn of Thor's. I guess having supporting characters, such as Black Widow and Falcon, gave so much more dimension to the Captain. I can't wait to see how they'll mix in the mid-credits characters into the Age of Ultron, given that they'd also exist in another upcoming Marvel flick - Days of Future Past.

Lastly, grabbing the package from my usual drop-off point gave me the chance to visit Megamall's art exhibits again. I've taken a few pictures, most of which are available after the break.

Enjoy!

Week 7 - Kalinga

"Perhaps travel cannot prevent bigotry, but by demonstrating that all peoples cry, laugh, eat, worry, and die, it can introduce the idea that if we try and understand each other, we may even become friends."
- Maya Angelou

Hello Manila. Can't say I missed you too much.

We've gone off to Kalinga for three days or so last weekend.

I guess it's another one of those times when one really sees how much of Manila is covered in blinding lights, bothersome noise and empty promises, where people struggle to barely keep afloat - intent on the belief that what we have is the good life.

I guess I needed the quiet. I guess that I've always longed for a change of pace - something that life in the big, grimy city cannot buy. We're often so busy that we've never really thought about the worlds and lifestyles that exist outside our own.

Maybe it's human nature - albeit a terrible side of it.

I guess it's refreshing to see people do things for the sake of paying tribute to the ways things have been done by their predecessors.

Maybe I'm not used to seeing people working for the common good - and sometimes it makes me wonder if I've ever been capable of seeing such things in people. Maybe life in Manila has a way of getting people jaded and disillusioned.

Or maybe I've always had the assumption that there is no way other than what sort of life I've been used to.

Awong Chi Gansa (A Call for a Thousand Gongs) was something I've never seen before. Hundreds, or perhaps thousands of people in their tribal clothes marching towards the city capitol at half past seven in the morning.

One could see people converging from across the town, still in their morning (or evening) clothes, braving the cold Thursday morning to have a glimpse of the long march in one of the main roads.

It was enchanting.

There was a sense of peaceful rhythm emanating from the gongs - something that I've only seen in those long extinct educational shows of my youth. I guess it brought back memories of those times when television was still seen as a tool for learning instead of profit.

But I digress.

One of the highlights of the festival was seeing Apo Whang Od, the last mambabatok (traditional hand-tap tattoo artist), doing her work.

The steady taps of her tools on her living canvas was almost meditative. Decades of practice did not seem to dull her skill nor the fire in her eyes as she performed her craft. The Internet paints her as some sort of legend, and it's easy to see why.

Over ninety years old, and yet her eyes held more life than most people could ever hope to have. I could only wish that I could remain that strong and dedicated when I reach those years.

The desire to get a tattoo done by her was almost overwhelming - and I feel that not going for it is something I'll regret someday. Still, I felt that this was something reserved for the headhunters and the people born into this culture - or something earned.

Between the afternoons spent digging fresh ginger from the ground, picking off ears of corn, drinking fresh coffee, eating freshly roasted wild pig or "cleaning out" cacao beans (which surprisingly tastes like santol) for future consumption, it's something worth looking forward to going back to.

The (Freeze-Dried) Little Things

A little more than a year ago today, I was in some bar and grill in Ortigas trying to talk a good friend away from doing something that would have made for great entertainment. Perhaps in another reality, I would be writing an entry about the best radio show episode I have ever heard.

A year later, and I'm still looking for that entry. It's a lot more difficult to write about things that would tug those elusive heartstrings, but I digress.

Instead, I'd like to share a photo of something nifty I ate recently - astronaut ice cream.

If necessity was the mother of invention, you'd have to ask why someone from amongst the best of the world's brightest minds - engineers, physicists, mathematicians - thought to create something like it. After all, at around ten thousand dollars per pound of space cargo, it's pretty hard to justify adding it to the long list of things to bring into the great black void in the sky. For all the important things they do up there that make our lives down here easier, it's easy to forget how it's mostly just them out there - away from the things they hold dear.

And yet, despite all that, they find ways to hold on to things that make life a little brighter everyday. Wouldn't it be wrong to say that we can't do the same, despite having everything and everyone we hold dear within our reach?

Remember that life is sometimes dark, difficult and gloomy, but it doesn't mean that we'd have to let go of the things that make us happy - things that make the little kid buried deep within our proud bleak adult hearts smile again. And if we find the few special people who manage to help keep us afloat in the sea of adversity that is life, whether they'd be family, friends or a significant other, maybe we should hold on to them too.

After all, we can only celebrate Valentine's Day so many times in our brief existence on this planet.

But you know, that's just me. Take it with a grain of salt.

P.S. It tastes like cookies and cream, but without the creamy filling - in case anyone was wondering. Imagine eating cookies and cream-flavored polvoron (or shortcake). Really, really dry polvoron. Heck, it's almost like meringue, but much drier.  So yeah, nothing like the real thing.

Week 6 - Life in the Stillness

"The sea can bind us to her many moods, whispering to us by the subtle token of a shadow or a gleam upon the waves, and hinting in these ways of her mournfulness or rejoicing. Always she is remembering old things, and these memories, though we may not grasp them, are imparted to us, so that we share her gaiety or remorse."
- H.P. Lovecraft

Ah jeez. What an incredibly late post. I've been feeling a little woozy for the past few days.

I'm on a trip to Kalinga this week. I hope that would be fun. Can't say I'm not nervous though, for more reasons than I care to share. Haha!

In other news, a terrible thing has happened last week. Aside from the loss of the brilliant, albeit eccentric, personality Arvin 'Tado' Jimenez, among the dead were artists, musicians and young travelers who were - as the article suggests - living their dreams. Peace to the bereaved - the world is a darker place with the loss of such free souls.

Meanwhile, I'm done with ascending in Kingdom of Loathing for the foreseeable future. The Sea Quest, worth thirteen ascensions' worth of awesome, culminated in a battle with Dad Sea Monkee. It contains some of Jick's best written work yet - and I have the battle logs saved and will post them relatively soon-ish.

Lastly, we got to visit Manila Ocean Park last weekend. While it's obviously not as cool as seeing the real things in the wild, there's always something about the sea that seems so inherently peaceful - despite the fact that we often fall to its mercy whenever we leave the protection of terra firma. Nonetheless, the experience is a steal for that price, although I'd prefer it if we were able to visit during the field trip off-season. I guess that's something to take note of later on.

If there's anything that annoyed me during the visit, it's those folks who insisted on using flash photography despite the reminders and the signs that asked them to do otherwise. One does not even need to be aware of the fact that some marine animals are highly photosensitive to follow simple rules. It's a reflection of the lines that some people are willing to cross in the name of vanity, which is, quite frankly, quite alarmingly stupid.

Simple rules, and some people don't even bother. Anyway, the photos, as always, are available after the jump.

Enjoy!

Week 46.2 - BenCab Museum

Nestled on a hillside a good distance from Baguio City, BenCab Museum (owned by National Artist for Visual Arts, Benedicto Cabrera), is definitely a must for anyone who visits the province.

The museum may seem small at first glance, but apparently several floors are build into the cliff itself, with the bottom floor containing Cafe Sabel - a recurring theme amongst the artist's works, continuing on towards a pond, a small farm and a mountain that is also owned by the artist.

Visit the place, and I assure you that you won't regret it. Entrance fee is a measly 100 pesos (plus taxi fare which will cost you about 150 for the fifteen minute ride).

For pictures of the exhibits, click the link below to expand the post.

Enjoy!

Week 46.1 - Baguio City!

Baguio.

Is there anything more to be said?

I've been longing to come here since I was a kid but for some unknown reason the trips always seem to get cancelled (much to my frustration). I (finally) managed to step on the city's soil a few weeks ago (thanks to the Girlfriend's superhuman efforts). And I was fucking elated, I tell ya!

We stayed there for around four days and I must say that it's very easy to fall in love with the city - to the point when I scoffed at Manila upon our return. I'm sorry Dumaguete, but you've fallen off the top spot for my Favorite Cities list.

As a quick note, we stayed at Chalet Baguio. It was quite expensive though, and we should have thought of staying at a transient house instead - especially since we only went in there to bathe, sleep and have breakfast. Oh well, lessons learned.

Lastly, I'm splitting Baguio into two posts - one for the sights and sounds (well, just sights) of the city and another for BenCab.

As always, photos, photos and lots of photos after the cut. Click and enjoy!

Week 42 - Five

"Because it's there."
- George Mallory

Those three famous words were my initial thoughts coming into last Saturday's ascent of Pico de Loro.

For the most part, it was one of the more humbling experiences of my life.

Perhaps it was because I only had less than two hours of sleep following a late workday the night before (or I have difficulty sleeping the day before any travelling activity). Perhaps it was because I knew that I was going into the climb with horrible cardio. Perhaps it was because I could never figure out how to make a compromise between bringing a lot of fluids and packing light. Or perhaps it was because I underestimated the mountain - or overestimated myself.

It made me recall some of my favorite mixed martial arts fights. More specifically Brandon Vera versus Randy Couture, Alexander Gustafsson versus Jon Jones and more recently, Gilbert Melendez versus Diego Sanchez. I often wondered how it must have felt like when you have been fighting in the Octagon for the last twenty-four minutes and your opponent was still standing across you with the same desire for victory. I wondered what it would have felt like when your body has failed you, you're running on fumes and you have no choice but to push forward on heart and sheer willpower alone.

Now I think I know how it feels like.

Needless to say, I was the last to reach the summit and the last who made the descent. To say that it was harrowing would be an understatement. To see that it started to rain while we were on the summit was spirit-breaking.

I guess there are several lessons that I've learned from the climb. First, I need exercise - probably swimming due to its low impact nature. Second, we can never really tell if we can do something by virtue of mere observation. And lastly, I now know what some of my limits are, that I could break past them way into uncharted territory.

Crossing that off my list. I guess sky-diving is next? I'll give it a thought when I'm no longer sore.

Later!

Savestate: Chapter 25

Good grief, I'm twenty-five tomorrow.

Here's the obligatory 'lessons learned-post' from the last five-ish years, and I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel at this point.

One won't experience real freedom without experiencing real responsibility.
The best thing about being an adult isn't just the fact that you can do whatever you want. It's also the fact that you become responsible with how you do it (and what happens as a consequence) and you have the final say on how you deal with it. With that being said...

Growing old does not necessarily mean growing up.
When I was a kid, I felt like the adults around me were the most boring people around - going about talking grown-up matters and doing grown-up things. As time went on I chanced upon people who brought the things they loved as children well into their adulthood (and sometimes pursue it as their careers). I realized that most people never really let go of the things they did as children - it's just that people have wildly varying interests and that's what makes them, them.

Everyone has off days.
There's bad service, then there's inconsistency. It's really hard to distinguish between the two (and at times, it's impossible) but sometimes (within reason, of course) you just have to give people the benefit of a doubt. Everyone goes through bad days and it's a horrible feeling to be on the other side of the customer-service equation. There are times when there's no longer anything you can do to bring a situation forward - and hard as it may be, we have to accept that.

Dictum meum pactum.
My word is my bond. It's the first company value I was ever told about on my first job. How one speaks says a lot about what goes in their head. What they talk about and how they follow through with it speaks a lot (pardon the pun) about their character. In a way, it's one of the many reasons I left. Practice what you preach, as the saying goes - and I'll leave it at that.

Bitter is a flavor we learn to appreciate when we’re older. In fact, it’s okay to taste bitter from time to time. 
There's a lot of context that can be derived from this, and in my case, it's a way of giving way to perspective in terms of the bad cards we're dealt with in life. It's a way of appreciating where we are now - and this is the culmination of every (good and bad) decision that we've been given the choice of making. In other words, we would be very different people if we chose differently. And at some and in some way...

I realize that I have a lot.
I have so much, in fact, that I find myself happy and content and restless and giddy and scared and excited and humbled and haughty and confused and unfamiliar and focused and passive and impatient and childish and all of those other random things that make someone feel alive and intrepid and lost at the same time. And if that's what this quarter-life crisis hullabaloo is about, then so be it - let's dance (metaphorically speaking). Putting the Law of Averages into consideration, I feel like I've pulled quite a bit ahead of the curve compared to my younger self's expectations - and that's awesome.

Happy birthday to me.

Monkey Wrench

"It loved to happen."
- Marcus Aurelius

Last weekend's UFC event proved three things. First, if someone happens to be somewhere in life, there's almost always a reason that they're there and there's always a chance that they could pull off whatever they came to do.

Second, one should never underestimate the underdog - especially if they're determined and if they've proven that they can do the improbable in the past.

Lastly, never build a plan around someone's assumed failure because the universe has a funny way of chucking monkey wrenches into life's exposed gears. Poetic justice, as people say.

That being said, sometimes it's baffling how life in general seems like a long sequence of quick time events. The kicker is that there are no checkpoints, so every quick decision would affect another down the line. Sometimes it takes days, weeks or even months, but something tends to get bumped up (or down) when one looks at the bigger picture.

And on quieter days, I wonder exactly when it was that I've decided on the choices that I've picked. Ozymandias' (of Watchmen fame) "thirty-five minutes ago" quote often resonates in my mind whenever I ask myself this question.

Perhaps I've flipped the coins a long time ago, and I'm only looking at how it landed now.

One has to admire the wonders of cognitive dissonance.

Week 3 - Wishcasters and Magic Missiles

This photo does not make sense.

"In a far away remote place in China, there's a legend of a gifted young monk who could pinpoint an opening in the sky that leads to heaven. It was said that if you shout your wish out loud with your heart towards that opening, your wish will be granted."
- Inscription on a Shady-looking Statue

So I finally got that trip to Bacolod (with the grandma) booked for March until April. I'll probably be staying with the cousins for about three weeks and explore the crap out of the island - and maybe head off to Panay (which means getting fresh cocoa again - a very well-kept secret) and Boracay if we're really, really, really lucky. It's a bit of a bummer that I won't be visiting during the two festivals that the place is known for - the famous Masskara and the lesser known Dinagsa festival (which is something I've badly wanted to be a part of for years). At the very least, I'll have a food coma courtesy of fresh seafood - and probably some liver damage because damn, the cousins can drink.

Anyway, we've been to UPLB and the surrounding area this past week. It's amazing that there are a lot of interesting places there - as if that wasn't apparent to folks who had to suffer photo spam from my Instagram account. While we didn't get to bring back any of their patented pies, we managed to grab some (a lot, actually) fresh carabao milk, cheese and yogurt. I'm especially giddy about the milk and cheese - hopefully some decent food pr0n would come out of that.

In other news, someone asked me a funny question a while ago. I'm afraid I have to answer in proper Elvhenan Tengwar.

Because.

The Fleeting

I miss custard that gets flash-freezed into ice cream using liquid nitrogen. I know that's oddly specific, but there's a good reason for it - it's the best thing ever.

I miss those brick-and-mortar book dumps. It's unfortunate that they existed back when I had no money to spare, but they're all gone now when I do.

I miss Pistang Dagat, and the bands from way up north who come down and play decent music. Real music. Those folks were probably the most humble people I've had the privilege of talking to.

I miss the Monks, the late night chats and the laughs shared across many miles of sea.

I miss Angelicum's choco cream. That was staple food back in those awkward days.

I miss walking amidst the crappiest malls Manila has to offer, fervently hoping that inspiration would strike and let us continue writing the dreariest pieces of code. We were thankful that it did (because I'll never want to go back to that nightmare called programming).

I miss commuting alone in Bacolod, partly because I'll be in a mess if I got lost. Well, not really, since people there speak surprisingly good English - better than their Tagalog.

I miss those ill-advised trips to Angeles City. It reminds me that misfortune could always be turned around and people sometimes end up in a better (and more meaningful) situation than they initially planned.

I miss getting so tired of work that I'd call in sick and head to buffets with some friends - who also called in sick.

I miss the Paragon's random life lessons. A lot. A whole lot. They became increasingly far and few in between over time, but every single one was sent at the right time. They remind me that someone, somewhere, somehow manages to remain unfettered by all the joys and sorrows that the world has to offer - and does it with a genuine smile. It makes me wonder if random things are truly random, or if there are exceptions that the universe grants to the weary.

They say that people never really miss what they never had. Sadly, the things people miss the most are those that no one could ever really possess - because the only thing they could do is let those things run their course.

Maybe that's why there are more tourists and less travelers these days. Everyone is so afraid of forgetting that they try so hard to capture moments - and they never remember the reason they sought it in the first place.

The Universe Casts Loaded Dice

I have the strangest friends.

Sometimes, the universe would do everything in its power (and dammit, it is powerful) to make you question how events line up and turn out the way they do.

Sometimes, there are things that are so ridiculously specific that it's easier to attribute them to some otherworldly factor rather than a lucky (or unlucky) culmination of unrelated random events.

And sometimes, I'm left asking myself what just happened. All those times, there's not really an answer - not that I'm expecting any. After all, there's a good reason why humans are not gifted with clairvoyance.

It crossed my mind a few days ago to ask the universe to throw me something really unexpected, for the lulz.

The next thing I know, the past two days turned out to be filled with strange correlations - too uncanny to file under mere coincidence.

It was the weirdest weekend I've had in a long time, and I thought it was pretty awesome.