Week 48 - Lessons from NaNoWriMo 2013

"I am the Commander of these words.
I am the King of this story. 
I am the God of this place.
I am a writer, and I will finish the shit that I started."
- The Penmonkey's Paean

Why yes, November has been a particularly crazy month for me as one can see from my posts from the last few days (and their apparent lateness).

The main reason for my lack of updates, however, is NaNoWrimo. It's something I've been meaning to do since I've heard of it way back in college but real life has always pushed it to the sidelines year after year.

In a nutshell, NaNoWriMo (which is short for National Novel Writing Month) is an annual month-long activity held every November that challenges its participants to come up with a fifty thousand word novel within thirty days. Some may see it as a travesty, especially those who write for a living, but for what it's worth I have learned a few things from the experience.

NaNoWriMo is a self challenge.
There isn't really any tangible prize to completing NaNoWriMo nor is there any way of checking whether a participant cheated or not. But I think that's the beauty of something based on a person's own honor system and I think that's what makes the win gratifying in itself.

NaNoWriMo is an exercise in determination and self-discipline.
There have been days when life goes in the way of writing (or more accurately, writing goes in the way of life). If there's a piece of advice that I could give to anyone who would attempt the challenge, it could be summed up in two words: Keep Writing. While some people looked like they breezed through it, I found that NaNoWriMo (and writing in general) is much, much harder than it looks. I guess the trick is to never, ever give up - much like many things in the real world.

NaNoWriMo requires commitment.
I've learned that the difference between saying "I can do that" and "I've done that" is actually getting up from the comfy couch of complacency and doing the damn thing. NaNoWriMo asks us this question: If not now, then when, or rather, will you ever do it?

NaNoWriMo does not need our inner writer, author or editor. It needs the storyteller in us.
It has been said that everyone has a book in them but they didn't tell us that the story is the most important part of the book. I think I'm lucky that I've got a whole world of crazy lore to pull from (which is a whole different story altogether), but I'm sure that a lot of people have their own personal troves to pick their stories from. NaNoWriMo is all about the shitty first drafts - and it is from that chaos that the good second draft and terrific third draft are born (according to Anne Lamott).

NaNoWriMo has a personal lesson for each of its participants.
It may have been a silly and unnecessary decision to forgo dialogue in my entry and write nothing but pure narrative instead. But then I realize that maybe I subconsciously wanted to fit in as much lore as I could in lieu of conversation because I don't think I'm ever going to do this again. But perhaps in those thirty days and nights of literary abandon, I feel like the greatest thing I've learned is that I love writing. Not stories or novels or anything in particular, but just writing in general - seeing my thoughts committed on a medium. A lot of people live their lives without ever discovering anything they're passionate about, so I guess it's all worth it in the end. Self discovery and whatnot, yes?

Give NaNoWriMo a go. There's something in it for anybody who's giving it a shot. As for me, it's back to regular programming. It's something I'm happy to scratch off The Tertiaries.

Later!

Savestate: Chapter 25

Good grief, I'm twenty-five tomorrow.

Here's the obligatory 'lessons learned-post' from the last five-ish years, and I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel at this point.

One won't experience real freedom without experiencing real responsibility.
The best thing about being an adult isn't just the fact that you can do whatever you want. It's also the fact that you become responsible with how you do it (and what happens as a consequence) and you have the final say on how you deal with it. With that being said...

Growing old does not necessarily mean growing up.
When I was a kid, I felt like the adults around me were the most boring people around - going about talking grown-up matters and doing grown-up things. As time went on I chanced upon people who brought the things they loved as children well into their adulthood (and sometimes pursue it as their careers). I realized that most people never really let go of the things they did as children - it's just that people have wildly varying interests and that's what makes them, them.

Everyone has off days.
There's bad service, then there's inconsistency. It's really hard to distinguish between the two (and at times, it's impossible) but sometimes (within reason, of course) you just have to give people the benefit of a doubt. Everyone goes through bad days and it's a horrible feeling to be on the other side of the customer-service equation. There are times when there's no longer anything you can do to bring a situation forward - and hard as it may be, we have to accept that.

Dictum meum pactum.
My word is my bond. It's the first company value I was ever told about on my first job. How one speaks says a lot about what goes in their head. What they talk about and how they follow through with it speaks a lot (pardon the pun) about their character. In a way, it's one of the many reasons I left. Practice what you preach, as the saying goes - and I'll leave it at that.

Bitter is a flavor we learn to appreciate when we’re older. In fact, it’s okay to taste bitter from time to time. 
There's a lot of context that can be derived from this, and in my case, it's a way of giving way to perspective in terms of the bad cards we're dealt with in life. It's a way of appreciating where we are now - and this is the culmination of every (good and bad) decision that we've been given the choice of making. In other words, we would be very different people if we chose differently. And at some and in some way...

I realize that I have a lot.
I have so much, in fact, that I find myself happy and content and restless and giddy and scared and excited and humbled and haughty and confused and unfamiliar and focused and passive and impatient and childish and all of those other random things that make someone feel alive and intrepid and lost at the same time. And if that's what this quarter-life crisis hullabaloo is about, then so be it - let's dance (metaphorically speaking). Putting the Law of Averages into consideration, I feel like I've pulled quite a bit ahead of the curve compared to my younger self's expectations - and that's awesome.

Happy birthday to me.

Because I Am Just As Lost As Everyone Else

The strange thing about being known as an avid listener of other people's stories is that people tend to expect some sort of advice once they spill the beans to you. The problem with people asking for advice is that more often than not, they often seek affirmation for their position on the matter, rather than seek actual help.

Sometimes, as much as I'd like to be the one doing the affirming, it feels more important to lay down all the cards from a cold point of view and give an impromptu reality check. That's the thing about being friends with someone - there's a degree of proximity to be trusted as a confidant, yet there's that distance (even for best friends) that would allow someone space to think things through without the pressure commanded by close family.

For what it's worth, I've always hated those few times that affirmation wasn't an option. And I really hate it when I have to do it while feeling sick, because thinking of things to say is a hit-and-miss for me when I'm sleep-deprived and groggy from the meds that I have to take to be able to barely function like a zombie.

This was one of those weeks.

I hate it when I have to stop someone from doing something incredibly stupid, even if everyone else (including myself) thinks it's a funny idea and it's a friend's sacred duty to push other friends into hilarious situations.

I hate telling someone that they didn't make a horrible first impression but they messed up the subsequent ones.

I hate telling someone that there isn't anything they can do to change those impressions if they're going to mope.

I hate telling someone that people like people because they perceive value in them - whether it's a certain set of skills, or that they make for good company, or that they uplift the things around them.

I hate telling someone that being nice does not count because everyone can and will be nice if they want to.

I hate telling someone that trying to learn things that would add value to them as a person is a step in the right direction, that most of the time it's the only direction and that more often than not, is the reward in itself.

I hate telling someone that it's badass for a person to be able to do what others refuse to do because of a misplaced sense of pride.

And when all else fails, I hate telling someone what happened after they wake up from the metaphorical knockout that they brought upon themselves.

Maybe it's because sometimes, there are bastards you just can't seem to abandon because they've done the same for you in the past - when you thought of something incredibly stupid and everyone else thought it was a funny idea.

Jeez, sometimes I don't even believe the things I say.

Old Philo Notes - Not Really

So I was cleaning out my external drive today and I came across some, for a lack of a better term, random blurbs from my Philosophy professor from college. And yes, it's the same professor we commonly referred to as GTO (as in the anime).

I've been reading them again for the first time in years, and it's funny how a lot of them didn't make sense back then, or were met with bewildered stares or hushed laughter. I'll be posting some of the, er, more maudlin ones for today. Is maudlin even the right word?

As a side note, some of the others are a bit too anti-establishment so I guess I could only provide them on demand.

Anyway, without further ado, here goes. Enjoy!

On Changes

Did you know that I attended UP Law in 2001 only to leave after barely two months into the semester because I missed teaching? Sometimes, we don't know what we want until it is in front of us. Ten years later, I want to go back to law school and be a lawyer. Sometimes, we don't know what we want until we are ready for it.

On Wanting

If you're in a relationship because you wished someone to want you, then you're in a relationship for the wrong reason. Love does not hurt. What hurts is when you can't make someone want you.

On Home

Home is where we find peace and quiet. That's why we call it tahanan in Tagalog.

Some of us look for it in the big city hoping that they could find it somewhere between bus stops, or elsewhere they can doze off and momentarily mute the traffic noise. Others can only dream it as they fancy of a rustic life in a house by the lake during their coffee break.

Some of us see it as that place where they could enjoy baking cookies and cakes, chasing cats and chickens on weekends, or elsewhere they can be alone and voluntarily disappear from the maddening crowd. Others who lack a better imagination can only fake to have found it in the cramped cubicle of their work station.

Home is a variety, from a single mother who goes home to her beautiful daughter to a married mother of four who eagerly awaits for her husband to come home, to a bachelor who locks everyone out to do home work on his doctoral dissertation.

On Exes

There are times when we only remember what love is when we remember those who used to love us.

Often

Often, we ignore those who adore us and adore those who ignore us. Seldom, when we don't ignore those who adore us, it's either we're just faking it, or we've found a love that we can't refuse to requite.

She

She who is afraid to seize the magical moment ruins it. Ovid said, "Fortune and love befriend the bold. Fortune and love favor the brave."

Checklist

When you're older and you've grown tired of trying too hard to tick off every box on the checklist that society has prescribed for you, you'd realize that you can actually leave out some of those boxes empty and make your own checklist.

On Conversations

Judge friendships by their conversations. Friendships are as shallow or as deep as their conversations. Friendships can only go as far as their conversations take them. By keeping conversations alive, you keep friendships alive. Like conversations, friendships can start with a word, can end with a word, can be steady for a while and can get out of hand quick. Sustained conversations fuel lasting friendships, like traveling on a full tank. Cranky conversations drain shaky friendships, like traveling short on gas.

Crush

"Paano kung crush ka rin ng crush mo, pero you're not ready to push it up to the next level?"

That's when the fun stops. That's when it begins to sour. Taking a "crush" seriously is a different story. It's like waking up from a dream, like you're pulled out from a fairy tale back to reality. All of a sudden you realize that you're not dreaming, you realize that you're not ready to deal with a dream becoming true. And you'd wish that you never woke up, that it stayed a dream. Then, you make excuses that you can't, that "friends lang kayo".

Animus Anima

Men have an unconscious feminine inside them, while women have an unconcious masculine. In Carl Jung's psychology, the unconscious feminine is called "anima" and the unconscious masculine is called "animus".

If I understood it correctly, in Jungian psychology, life is like a hero's journey to know oneself, to find completeness and individuality. This journey would be successful only if it ended like Buddha's or Christ's, where Buddha achieved his nirvana in his life and Christ ascended into his heaven in his death. Nirvana and heaven are figures of speech that refer to the attainment of completion, which Jung called "individuation", when man has united his conscious masculinity with his unconscious femininity and woman has united her conscious femininity with her unconscious masculinity.

Normally, we seek our completeness in others, instead of within ourselves. Men look for women to complete their masculinity. Women seek men to complete their feminity. This is problematic because we end up incomplete and dependent on others instead of achieve our own completeness and individuality in ourselves. Perhaps this is why couples fight and end up tearing each other apart. Instead of men looking for their anima in women and women seeking for their animus in men, men should recognize the anima in themselves and women should embrace the animus in themselves.

That is, by men recognizing their femininity, their gentleness, tenderness, patience, receptiveness, closeness to nature, readiness to forgive, and so on. Likewise, by women embracing their masculinity, their assertiveness, the will to control and take charge, fighting spirit, and so on.

Only when men and women are truly individuals and independent and complete in themselves can they truly love each other.

Cinderella

My student asked, "What if Cinderella's glass slipper didn't fall off, or it fell off but the prince didn't see it, would he have found her?

I replied, "Even if Cinderella's glass slipper fell off and the prince saw it but he was not interested in finding her, she will never be found."

Love is not enough in a relationship. It has to be wanted. Love is right when it is wanted. That's the only time when love is right.

Doubt

What makes us afraid to trust what we feel is the doubt that the other person doesn't feel the same way.

Yield

Paramore's "I Caught Myself" is as unyielding and as in denial as "Decode". Falling in love makes one vulnerable to hurt because one reveals one's weakness, that one likes someone more than one likes oneself. It's like forsaking oneself, putting oneself second to another. The first impulse of those who are afraid to trust what they feel is to fight it.

Those who trust, yield.

Misconception

Boys are visual. We drool at girls. But we don't stop on the surface. We have hearts in our chests and brains in our heads. We feel pain and we can say "No".

It's a misconception that boys are shallow. Just so you'd know.

All

Kill my demons and my angels will die too. What makes love special is that it is either all or nothing.

Brake

When I was about to graduate from college, a female classmate gave me a tip.

She said, "Men are in charge of the wheel, women the brake."

That was twelve years ago, when I was twenty yet clueless about relationships. Obviously, she was hinting for a courtship, which at that time I was too timid to start up. In a society where women are used to being pursued, men should be bold enough to turn on and drive a relationship to their fancy, but gentle enough to listen when women tell them to slow down, pull over and take some detours.

Ironic

Ironically, some people are so focused they lost track of what is important.

Commit

"Do not do anything that we will both regret," boy told girl in a letter asking her to wait for him while he works abroad for years.

Quoted from the movie adaptation of Louisa May Alcott's novel "Little Women".

That's commitment. Commitment is holding on to a conscious choice, keeping it strong because the future is not certain. If the future is known to us beforehand,
of what use is there for a commitment?

Friend

Having many friends makes each one of them less special. You can't be a friend to many people because you can't be there for them all at once.

You won't have much time and resources to spread to many people. Spreading yourself thinly among many people makes you take them for granted.

Arguably, you can only have two friends, five friends if you are extraordinary. That makes a friend special.

The rest are acquaintances, familiar strangers.

Why So Serious?

"Sometimes crazy is the best way to go."
- Urdnot Wrex, to Commander Shepard

So it's been a couple of months since my last interview and it's also been about that long since I've been meaning to post this. It's never the technical questions that get me stumped - in fact, I think those are the easy ones. I'm pretty sure I could answer such questions well, or bluff my way out of it. It's the HR-type questions that are often the most dangerous.

It's funny how I always make it a point to never prepare for these questions - maybe it's a good way of self-assessment in terms of my views (career-wise, of course).

Or maybe it's because the most honest answers are the ones we tend to make on the fly. After all, those answers have to come from somewhere.

As a quick side note, I once answered Force Mastery in an assessment interview when I was asked what skill I would like to learn to help in my career. It was sort of a mutual dare with some friends (where one answered culinary skills and the other said technical writing). I was half-hoping that hilarity would ensue but the interviewer didn't quite understand my answer (and I never explained it further) - and no, I didn't get in any trouble nor change my answer.

Anyway, while I've always had an idea on how to answer most of these questions seriously, there's always this one ubiquitous question that I've had trouble answering.

Where do you see yourself X years from now?

As I've written out so many times before, my answer to this has always been 'I don't really know'. I guess the most difficult part is figuring out how to say that without sounding silly. For posterity's sake, the last time I was asked this my response was something along the lines of:

I haven't really settled on what I'd want to do yet for the long term, which is why I'm pushing myself to learn as many things as I can while I still can. I will have a better idea sometime down the line, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

In retrospect, I know it sounds like a horrible answer, but I've always been under the impression that people appreciate these over canned answers. Mindless drones are a dime a dozen, and it's always nice to see that some people put a premium on out-of-the-box answers.

Are crazy answers risky? Of course they are. Will they help the potential employer single someone out from the crowd? Of course they will.

As a final side note, there was once this applicant who had to answer the same question above (and no, it isn't me). His reply? He said he hoped to occupy the interviewer's seat in sometime in the next X years.

Absolutely insane, and it absolutely worked - he got the job.

Memo to Future Self: On Moving Forward, Observations and Doubts

Heya Future Self,

How are things? I hope everything's still going well and that you're find yourself riding into some proverbial sunset. One can dream, yes? As for me, I'm still trying to sort things out. I just want you to recall that you've walked this path so many times before, and it is a certainty that you'll walk it again. Anyway, we have several things to catch up on, so we might as well get to it.

Remember how you were always one to keep things for posterity's sake? As it turns out, there will be times when you'd have to let things go. I know that you're a packrat by nature, but one can only deal with so much clutter. We've been told before that sometimes it's unhealthy to be stuck in the past, and it's cliche for good reason.

I've had a few days of the feeling of forlorn hope lately, and let me tell you that you'll miss out on a lot if that's how you think. I should know. I'm pretty sure that if there's an alternate version of us who's clairvoyant, he'd probably kick us in the shins for being voluntarily blind to awesome things happening around us.

I also want you to remember that it is not and never will be your duty to save everyone. There will be people whose lives you could only watch from afar and there is no way for you to affect them no matter how hard you try. Sometimes, this is just the universe's way of letting us be aware that such things happen, so that we may be ready when it's our turn to be tested or that we may be there for those whose lives we can actually help make easier.

Oh, and one last thing. Remember those times when you weren't too sure if you wanted something or not? I'd say you'd be better off if you just try to go with the flow. All these years, life has taught us that there will be things we can't run away from, whether they are good or bad. There are gifts that you'll be reluctant to accept because of your doubts about the world, other people and yourself. Don't worry. This is natural and it is how you've learned how to protect yourself.

Remember your favorite line from the Desiderata, because there's a reason it has stuck with you throughout the years:

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Cheers,
Your Past Self

Memo to Future Self: On Mistakes, Reflection and Trust

Heya Future Self,

What's up? How are things over there? I just thought I'd have a few words with you, since it seems you've been struggling a lot lately. I know you tend to overthink things, and mostly at your own cost too. Seriously, relax a little. You still have plenty of time and, believe it or not, so little 'setting up' left to do. You've been setting up safety nets for a long time now. Look at your Tertiaries, I placed it there for a reason. Live a little, or take a long vacation. You're just a little burned out.

I'm not omniscient. I don't know how the world would turn out when you read this again, so I hope you take time to remember a few things I've learned. Trust me, it will make life easier for you.

I want you to remember to accept the fact that everyone commits mistakes, and that you're no exception. No one is infallible, and it's foolish to look for someone else to blame for your own shortcomings. That, my friend, is the other side of responsibility.

I want you to remember to always set some time aside for reflection. Do you remember the times when you spent hours backtracking in video games? It's the same thing in real life. Sometimes we try to finish our goals so fast that we tend to overlook the more important things.

I want you to remember to give everyone you meet a benefit of a doubt. You know how horrible the world is, but the only way you'll ever find the few good people left is by giving everyone a chance. Don't worry though, you've always practiced caution, so I know you'll be fine.

Keep it up. Everything will turn out just fine, trust me.

Cheers,
Your Past Self

Cracked: Unsolicited Advice

So I was reading this thread on Cracked.

It's quite interesting that there are things that should be common sense, yet we still seem to take for granted. I guess people are mostly shortsighted, that's why we get into so much trouble in the first place.

And since it's everyone's noble obligation to pitch in on the Internet:

Never keep score.
Don't bring up the good things you've done for someone as a reason for them to return the favor. Even more so, don't dig up dirt as ammunition for an argument. Resentment is never a good thing. If they're halfway decent people, you only need to ask.

Don't worry, be happy.
Time spent worrying is time lost. If a problem is not within your control and there's nothing you can do about it, it's probably some other person's responsibility in the first place. Otherwise, learn to mitigate. Sleep it off if you can't think straight, as bad decisions are more likely when you're worried and restless.

Punctuality is key.
Being somewhere ahead of time is always a good way to make an impression. In the unfortunate case that you'll be late, CALL or text if you're on commute and let the other party know (don't just hope that they hang in there, for fuck's sake). Also give an ETA that is way more than what it would take you to arrive.

And lastly, when family or close friends ask for your time, DO IT.