2015 - A Look Back

"Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are."

- Paolo Coelho

Alive. I'm happy to be living in the here and the now.

2015 has shown me that, and much more. There have been days when I saw my five-day-a-week routine as a mental prison, with the boredom and the stress slowly eating away inside. It's true that people sometimes hate  change - and now I realize that sometimes it has been me who was resisting change. The world, no matter how important anyone makes themselves feel, will always move forward. New doors will open and close along the way, and sometimes it takes someone choosing to get up and walk through to make a difference in their lives.

We can make things happen by choosing to make choices.

Challenge of the Year

Travelling to a foreign country alone and (literally barely) making it back.

Games of the Year

For expansions, I loved how The Taken King was put together. This was Destiny's best raid yet, and it encouraged entire fireteams to participate actively during the course of the expansion's flagship activity.

Until Dawn had me going until, well, dawn. I'm slightly partial to it because I've never seen anything similar to one of my favorite PS3 games - Heavy Rain - and the storytelling for this one was just as intense, if not more so.

Meal of the Year

Probably that bowl of arbi gosht (which may or may not have been what made me very sick).

Movies of the Year

Besides Star Wars (which is pretty much unanimous) and the various superhero movies this year?

Well, there's Kingsman, which turned out to be better than I expected (and certainly not for the squeamish). Then there's Maggie, a zombie drama starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. It's surprisingly good, and showed that the Governator has more things up his sleeves these days. There's Oren Peli's Area 51, yet another found footage film (that I'm a sucker for) about the eponymous desert base. Lastly, there's the infamous Heneral Luna which is a massive bummer for anyone who hasn't seen it by now.

What I'm Thankful for This Year

Hayao, the best cat in the universe. For being able to travel extensively and meeting a lot of new people. For being able to finish NaNoWriMo sans planning, and having the most supportive girlfriend who'll suffer reading through it next year. For being shown that the future holds so many options, and for the hope that we'd be able to take the path that would lead us to the best possible future.

And for being healthy, alive, and able to continue my battles another day. 

Later!

On Travelling Solo (While Being Extra Sick)

Long story short, I somehow managed to get myself hospitalized a day after getting back in Manila (and no, it's not MERS-CoV).

I'm definitely much better now, thankfully, but looking back it's probably one of the more difficult ordeals of my life.

There are fewer things more terrifying than a real sense of isolation. Being oceans away from home, with very little chance of contacting your loved ones and feeling like you're about to throw up literally every five minutes (and probably dehydrated to boot) is something I'd never want to experience again. The fact that I had to go through immigration officers, checkpoints and a fourteen-hour connecting flight while trying to hold everything in was just icing on the proverbial shit cake.

I remember when my father had a nasty bout with appendicitis a few years ago, where he managed to get emergency leave for a flight back to Manila. The doctors managed to get it out just in the nick of time, which was something we're thankful for.

Until very recently, I've never really thought about it that much - about how it scary it must have been not only for him but for countless other people who have to go overseas to keep their families afloat. I've never really thought about how lonely it could become some days when you no longer have anyone to talk to after your loved ones have gone off to sleep (or work, or after they've ended the Skype call or left their farewells and well wishes for the day on a myriad of messaging apps). I've never really thought about the future, the past, the dreams we still hope to achieve and how so excruciatingly far away from them we still seem to be - or at least not as much as I've had (in a very long time) when I was left to my own thoughts until late into the night in that ironically lonely hotel room back in India.

Looking back, I think it was a tough lesson I had to learn eventually (despite the medical bills). To be honest, those two weeks make me wonder how people could do it for months, or even years at a time.

I'm definitely more appreciative of the efforts of migrant workers. That fear probably changed the way I look at the world in general - I still believe that it's a beautiful place, although I'm more aware of its rough edges.

I hope that, at least, counts for something.

2014 - A Look Back

"Make no mistake, being a grown-up sucks. You have fears you never had. You have obligations you never wanted. You often don't have time to do all the stupid shit you loved doing as a child. But how much needlessly sadder is adulthood if you willingly deprive yourself of all the things you used to enjoy? Whom are you trying to impress? Who told you grown-ups couldn't have action figures? That's not the symbol of maturity."
- Gladstone, 5 Things People Mistake for Being Grown-Up

2014 has been a strangely long year, even if it seems that time flies by so quickly now.

I've been browsing through my photos to make a collage with - I guess the strangest thing was that I didn't realize that a lot of them happened just this past year.

Whether it was strolling through the spacious galleries of Pinto Art museum or parasailing in Boracay and just being up there above all our worldly worries (which, incidentally, was the best fifteen minutes of my year), I think 2014 was a year riddled with life, growth and change.

Challenge of the Year
NaNoWriMo, obviously. Between my three-year old laptop dying and me deciding to change novels at the last minute, this one was bound to be a struggle.

I promised myself to veer away from gaming for one whole month and finish a second novel on time. While I failed spectacularly in not playing any games, I managed to win my second year way ahead of time.

Game of the Year
2014 has been an excellent year for games. So good, in fact, that there are a lot of titles out there that look appealing but I've never had the time to play yet.

However, I think my favorite would be the one that I've been coming back to since my grade school days. I picked up Pokemon Alpha Sapphire as my personal reward for NaNoWriMo. I'm nearing 200 hours of playtime, because I'm a responsible adult.

Meal of the Year
Because I'm way off track in terms of health, I'd have to say that seafood dinner at Boracay trumped Tsumura, Little Tokyo and the buffets that marred the year's gastronomic landscape. I guess the Girlfriend was right - there's nothing better than to sit down and eat without worrying about worldly cares.

Movie of the Year
It has to be Edge of Tomorrow. I had low expectations for this movie, but I'm glad that its concept surpassed that. Days of Future Past comes at a close second.

What I'm Thankful for This Year
It's always the people around me who kept chugging along despite the mess that life throws at them from time to time. Other people who never fail to show me that things go forward and we often find ourselves in a better place once we run through life's endless hardships.

I guess I'm also thankful that I'm often reminded that the life we live and the life we love don't necessarily have to be different things. It takes a bit of work and elbow grease to get there, but it's the journey that counts.

Also, for what it's worth, I never got seriously sick this year, which is an accomplishment in itself.

I feel that 2015 will be a very interesting year, so onward we go!

Later!

The (Freeze-Dried) Little Things

A little more than a year ago today, I was in some bar and grill in Ortigas trying to talk a good friend away from doing something that would have made for great entertainment. Perhaps in another reality, I would be writing an entry about the best radio show episode I have ever heard.

A year later, and I'm still looking for that entry. It's a lot more difficult to write about things that would tug those elusive heartstrings, but I digress.

Instead, I'd like to share a photo of something nifty I ate recently - astronaut ice cream.

If necessity was the mother of invention, you'd have to ask why someone from amongst the best of the world's brightest minds - engineers, physicists, mathematicians - thought to create something like it. After all, at around ten thousand dollars per pound of space cargo, it's pretty hard to justify adding it to the long list of things to bring into the great black void in the sky. For all the important things they do up there that make our lives down here easier, it's easy to forget how it's mostly just them out there - away from the things they hold dear.

And yet, despite all that, they find ways to hold on to things that make life a little brighter everyday. Wouldn't it be wrong to say that we can't do the same, despite having everything and everyone we hold dear within our reach?

Remember that life is sometimes dark, difficult and gloomy, but it doesn't mean that we'd have to let go of the things that make us happy - things that make the little kid buried deep within our proud bleak adult hearts smile again. And if we find the few special people who manage to help keep us afloat in the sea of adversity that is life, whether they'd be family, friends or a significant other, maybe we should hold on to them too.

After all, we can only celebrate Valentine's Day so many times in our brief existence on this planet.

But you know, that's just me. Take it with a grain of salt.

P.S. It tastes like cookies and cream, but without the creamy filling - in case anyone was wondering. Imagine eating cookies and cream-flavored polvoron (or shortcake). Really, really dry polvoron. Heck, it's almost like meringue, but much drier.  So yeah, nothing like the real thing.

Some People Shouldn't Be Allowed On the Internet

Disclaimer: This is a lengthy and extremely angry rant. Think of the obfuscation as a Turing Test of sorts - because only people should understand this (if you catch my drift). You have been warned.

Nccneragyl, fbzr crbcyr unir gur rzbgvbany vagryyvtrapr bs n jnyahg.

V'yy trg fgenvtug gb gur cbvag urer. Fbpvny zrqvn, sbe gur zbfg cneg, vf n obba. Hasbeghangryl, fbzr crbcyr unir arire urneq bs gur napvrag nqntr gung fnlf jvgu terng cbjre pbzrf terng erfcbafvovyvgl.

Crefbanyyl, gurer ner cyragl bs guvatf V qba'g jnag frrvat ba zl Snprobbx srrq. Sbe bar, fgnghf zrffntrf bs crbcyr jub gel gb uhey vafhygf ng bar nabgure (naq fbzrgvzrf trg oybja gb n shyy fpnyr synzrjne) nyjnlf cebzcg zr gb erzbir gung crefba sebz zl srrq. Frysvrf ner bxnl, nf ybat nf gurl nera'g sybbqrq, juvyr rkgerzryl ibpny rkcerffvbaf bs nssrpgvba ner bxnl va zl obbx nf jryy - rira gubhtu gurl znl trg n yvggyr gbb qvfgheovat ng gvzrf. V'z abg na ngurvfg, ohg V guvax gurer'f n cbvag jurer funevat eryvtvbhf fghss juvyr npgvat yvxr n ovtbg orpbzrf nf boabkvbhf nf gubfr crbcyr jub guvax funevat cubgbf naq nfxvat sbe Yvxrf jbhyq fbzrubj punatr gur jbeyq. V qba'g xabj jurer fhpu sbyxf tbg gur vqrn gung Yvxrf, Pbzzragf naq Funerf tvir gurz cbvagf sbe gurve birevasyngrq rtbf.

Fcbvyre: vg jba'g.

Ubjrire, vs gurer'f nalguvat gung fubhyq evtugshyyl ryvpvg n shpxvat urngrq erfcbafr fhpu nf guvf, vg'f gubfr crbcyr jub jebatyl guvax gung gurve erny-yvsr fbpvny fgnaqvat vf fbzrubj qvpgngrq ol gurve vzntr bayvar. V'yy arire trg crbcyr jub guebj gnagehzf bire sevraq pbhagf (be rira hanafjrerq sevraq erdhrfgf, sbe gung znggre). V jbhyq arire haqrefgnaq ncrf jub jbhyq tb bhg bs gurve jnl naq fcraq zvahgrf, ubhef naq qnlf bs gurve yvsr vairfgvtngvat rirel fvatyr gvpx ba gurve srrqf naq ynzonfg nalbar jub guvaxf vf n guerng gb gurz be gb gurve "sevraqf".

Vs gung fbhaqf hahfhny, jryy thrff jung? Vg'f abg - gurer'f npghnyyl n grez sbe vg. Vg'f shaal gung "hasevraqvat" vf nccneragyl fbzrguvat gb pel nobhg abjnqnlf, naq vg'f rira shaavre gung crbcyr yrg gurve rzbgvbaf trg gur orggre bs gurz vafgrnq bs qbvat fbzrguvat ybtvpny fhpu nf, fnl, Tbbtyvat sbe n qnza rkcynangvba orsber qbvat fbzrguvat fghcvq fhpu nf oheavat oevqtrf naq znxvat zbebaf bhg bs gurzfryirf. Vs jr trg natel bire fbzrguvat naq oybj hc jvgubhg guvaxvat guvatf guebhtu, ubj qvssrerag ner jr sebz navznyf?

V trg vg - fbzr crbcyr ner abg grpu-fniil. Ubjrire, bar bs gur yrffbaf gung crbcyr va trareny frrz gb sbetrg abjnqnlf vf gung jr fubhyq tvir bguref gur orarsvg bs n qbhog. Gurer'f nyfb n grez sbe vg, sbe shpx'f fnxr. Vg fubjf ubj fbzrbar unf fhpu n shpxgneqrqyl zvavfphyr jbeyqivrj jura gurl pbhyqa'g rira frr gur tbbq va bguref. Zbfg crbcyr jr'yy rire zrrg ner qrprag naq jba'g npg yvxr nffubyrf jvgubhg cebibpngvba.

Jbefr pbzrf gb jbefg, ab bar qvrf sebz ybfvat n sevraq bayvar (hayrff gung fbzrbar vf n zbeba). Unf nalbar rire ernyyl pnerq jung gurve arvtuobe'f hapyr sebz gra lrnef ntb (jubz gurl'ir arire ernyyl fcbxra gb) ngr sbe oernxsnfg? Shpx ab. Thrff jung? Gurer'f nyfb n grez sbe gung.

Fbpvny zrqvn gbbyf ner whfg gung - gbbyf. Vs nalbar guvaxf bgurejvfr, gurl fubhyq tebj gur shpx hc. 

You're welcome. Jeez.

Snapshot

"As you tread along the pathway of life, walk... Look around you and enjoy the sights, the sounds, the smell of the breeze and all those other Hallmark card thingies... Skip a bit, if there are puddles along the way. Run sometimes. But only for brief periods, if and when you have to catch a better view of a sunset or a fading rainbow. Trot, if you find yourself joyful. Dance, if you hear music."
- Jasper Golangco, Letters to Marge & Maddie

A long time ago, there was a period during my younger, less wise days when I could have honestly told anyone (without batting an eyelid) that I thought that time and the world just pass me by. I see people live in their own worlds and I saw myself living in one that I called my own. I guess those are times when I learned sad yet valuable lesson - that happiness and sadness and contentment and all those wispy emotions are independent of each other and could both exist and not exist at the same time.

It's one of those times when one can do nothing but watch as the world moves along, and wait - although oftentimes we don't really know what we wait for and everything seems to fleet away in the blink of an eye.

And then there are times when it seems that time stops for just a wee bit and you see things in perfect clarity.

I guess it's then that I feel that waiting doesn't seem so bad after all, and that some things just happen at the right place, at the right time. It is then that moments of certainty reveal themselves - moments when things seem to fall into place and we feel that the world conspired to bring that memory to fruition.

And it's those glimpses of perfection that make us realize that we weren't waiting after all.

We were just living a journey towards a moment that we would be happy to call our own.

Mein Freund Hanlon

Baffling.

I could never figure out if it's because of the media glorifying self-serving sensationalism or if the world is just filled with asshats nowadays (which is surprisingly something I just cannot subscribe to), but there is something very wrong about seeing people embrace the 'guilty until proven innocent' culture that society seems to hold in such high regard these days.

Quite frankly, it's disappointing.

They say things mellow out with age - which may explain why I often grew disproportionately angry when this norm manifested itself when I was younger. These days, it's just discouraging.

Sadly, things aren't really as black and white as my more idealistic younger self was led to believe. As Gladstone points out:

"The past abuse colors everything until decisions don't make sense anymore. The specifics almost don't matter: lose too many games of Monopoly to your older brother who always stole from the bank and you might stop trusting board games; lose out on trophies in rigged competitions and you might become blind to any competitor's value; or get betrayed by a man or woman you loved and the credibility of an entire gender can go out the window."

I can't say I'm immune. After all, I am but human. But at the very least, I try to find comfort in an adage called Hanlon's Razor - never attribute to malice that which could be explained by simplicity.

Baseless rhetoric, I know.

But life is already hard enough. Let the good people win for once.

Savestate: Chapter 25

Good grief, I'm twenty-five tomorrow.

Here's the obligatory 'lessons learned-post' from the last five-ish years, and I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel at this point.

One won't experience real freedom without experiencing real responsibility.
The best thing about being an adult isn't just the fact that you can do whatever you want. It's also the fact that you become responsible with how you do it (and what happens as a consequence) and you have the final say on how you deal with it. With that being said...

Growing old does not necessarily mean growing up.
When I was a kid, I felt like the adults around me were the most boring people around - going about talking grown-up matters and doing grown-up things. As time went on I chanced upon people who brought the things they loved as children well into their adulthood (and sometimes pursue it as their careers). I realized that most people never really let go of the things they did as children - it's just that people have wildly varying interests and that's what makes them, them.

Everyone has off days.
There's bad service, then there's inconsistency. It's really hard to distinguish between the two (and at times, it's impossible) but sometimes (within reason, of course) you just have to give people the benefit of a doubt. Everyone goes through bad days and it's a horrible feeling to be on the other side of the customer-service equation. There are times when there's no longer anything you can do to bring a situation forward - and hard as it may be, we have to accept that.

Dictum meum pactum.
My word is my bond. It's the first company value I was ever told about on my first job. How one speaks says a lot about what goes in their head. What they talk about and how they follow through with it speaks a lot (pardon the pun) about their character. In a way, it's one of the many reasons I left. Practice what you preach, as the saying goes - and I'll leave it at that.

Bitter is a flavor we learn to appreciate when we’re older. In fact, it’s okay to taste bitter from time to time. 
There's a lot of context that can be derived from this, and in my case, it's a way of giving way to perspective in terms of the bad cards we're dealt with in life. It's a way of appreciating where we are now - and this is the culmination of every (good and bad) decision that we've been given the choice of making. In other words, we would be very different people if we chose differently. And at some and in some way...

I realize that I have a lot.
I have so much, in fact, that I find myself happy and content and restless and giddy and scared and excited and humbled and haughty and confused and unfamiliar and focused and passive and impatient and childish and all of those other random things that make someone feel alive and intrepid and lost at the same time. And if that's what this quarter-life crisis hullabaloo is about, then so be it - let's dance (metaphorically speaking). Putting the Law of Averages into consideration, I feel like I've pulled quite a bit ahead of the curve compared to my younger self's expectations - and that's awesome.

Happy birthday to me.

Quick Note

Heya Mister,

You know what? Forget what I said. You're doing just fine.

Cheers,
Future You

Boomerang

"People do crazy things when they think no one cares. The irony is that getting away from yourself actually brings you closer to yourself, it’s just that you have to get out of the familiar to realize it."
- Ann Rebadavia, on Road Films

After three weeks in Negros Island, I'm heading back to Manila come Sunday morning.

It's been years since I've had a proper vacation and this is the first one I've had since I've started working (which is a different story altogether - something that I rant about to a certain group of my friends whenever we have the time to chat).

I'm not going to say that I'm returning to Manila a changed person - or even a better one, for that matter - but spending time away from most of my daily routine is definitely an eye-opener of sorts. While Bacolod is more of a city than a rural area, it's pretty easy to notice that the pace of life here is not as frantic as that of Manila's. People are more laid back and time seems to move much slower but despite all that, it never gets boring. Unfortunately, I can't tell if it's just me since I don't get bored easily anyway - and I actually look for slow days a lot.

At some point though, everyone has to go back to their real lives.

There was this movie I watched a long time ago. It was set in Hawaii, and while I could no longer remember the plot (or the title or the actors), there was this one scene that got stuck to me. One character remarked on how beautiful the island was and said that it was the perfect place to spend one's vacation. However, she added that she didn't want to stay there for life.

For the most part, I guess I feel the same way.

It's easy to grow fond of a place where one could wake up without counting how much (or how little) sleep has been taken the previous night.

It's easy to grow fond of a place where free time is no longer deemed a scarce luxury and one could spend these newfound moments as they see fit - mostly to just stop worrying about the world (or just to stop, really).

And it's incredibly easy to grow fond of a place where one's troubles become so utterly alien that they seem so many unfamiliar worlds away, trapped in a drastically different lifetime.

However, there is a reason for all things.

I guess one way of looking at retreats such as these is that it makes us evaluate the value of a lot of things we take for granted as well as those that we already appreciate. And it is then that I realize that I have a whole bunch of such things; that there are plenty of things I have to go back to - and more important ones I want to go back to.

And for what it's worth, those are things I won't exchange for the world.

Old Mogo

"The plants said, 'We will fight the stone with root and stem and seed. We are patient. We will win.'"
- Skyshroud Myth of the Forest, Burgeoning

Years ago, I used by play a glorified version of Progress Quest called Domain of Heroes. At the time, it was in its early beta stages and discovering game-breaking imbalances became a regular occurrence.

Anyway, I've often said that I seem to have a knack for finding such things - and somehow I ended up with a nigh-undying character affectionately named Mogo (of the Green Lanterns). Being built with raids in mind, it obviously got a reaction from many of the game's old rich, since Mogo was annoyingly disruptive in terms of farming purposes - to the point of having hundreds of players attacking him to no avail. It was mostly a waiting game - and I often left my machine turned on while I did other things. The thing with this setup is that it was a battle of attrition, and invasions could go on for hours on end - long after I've left the keyboard to do more meaningful things.

In the end, the developers caught wind of this and, despite it not being an exploit (and more of an oversight of the game mechanics), toned things down. Mogo was still as annoying as ever, but things became more manageable, that is, as long as I didn't get my hands on better equipment - something that I no longer wished to pursue at that point.

Sometimes, I wonder why people often throw themselves at seemingly insurmountable things, especially when they know that these gambles eventually become everything-or-nothing over time. Sometimes life does seem to be a messed up version of the gambler's paradox, especially for those who have been jaded by chronic cynicism and other pretentious-sounding whatnot.

I am then reminded that more often than not, especially where things really count, success is often cumulative while failure isn't. Maybe if these things were quantifiable in numbers, I'd like to think that one could never go below zero (unless he or she offs themselves, which is pretty retarded) - it's just that people have different perspectives of how high the scale goes and how far each step is from one another.

I guess we as people get as much feeling of accomplishment from a long series of small wins as from occasional big ones.

In the end, Douglas Adams may have been spot on with the two words he wrote on the cover of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Don't Panic. Things will always seem complicated - and everyone else as as scared shitless as we are - but I guess it's alright as long as we try to move ahead.

Old Notes - Devilfish on Inner Beauty

"Physical beauty is a part of attractiveness. Part of it. I'm not going to lie and tell you all beauty comes from within. But have you ever noticed how people who are having a good day have a spring in their step? How pregnant women seem to glow? How people who are proud of themselves automatically straighten their backs and shoulders and hold their chin up? How a girl who is feeling attractive sways her hips without even thinking about it? Or how a person's eyes shine and their face lights up when they talk about something they're really excited about? You can't fake that. This is what people mean when they talk about inner beauty."
- devilfish

This was something I jotted down after reading it from somewhere a long time ago.

Just food for thought. I don't even have to elaborate.

Flavor Text : Coalition Victory

"You can build a perfect machine out of imperfect parts."
- Urza

Just for the sake of flavor, the planeswalker who said that quote was eventually pitted against his greatest creation, Gerrard Capashen, and lost his life. It's a bit sad that his vendetta against Yawgmoth and Phyrexia was done under the guise of saving Dominaria, but whatever ends he sought to achieve would never have justified his means. Or vice versa, I think. It's a very old story that spans more than a decade's worth of books and lore in the form of flavor text.

Anyway, this quote reminds me of the fortune teller scene in After Eden, where Jon and Cecile were told of the concept of clasping of hands - that the gaps between each person's fingers were metaphors for their shortcomings while the fingers represented their good sides. The fortune teller said that if people allowed others to fill in the gaps, then those shortcomings would be complemented by the other's strengths, hence the clasping of hands. Pretty neat, no?

Which reminds me, I was hoping to have a scan of that particular panel for quite a while now but the book has been lent to someone for longest time.

I should probably try getting it back.

Uth Sa'vunin

"The reality of it is that we’re all playing the game constantly. We don’t take breaks, we refuse to give in and yet, no matter how hard we train and try, we all want to lose in the end. Those that win are all but dead. We play the game because we live. There are no limits and yet only one rule. You fall, you lose. And it is in this rule that you play on; to make that other person lose with you."
- R, Laro (butchered excerpts)

I guess it's very difficult to trust anyone who says they aren't afraid of anything. After all, many lessons are borne from fear, or failure, or anything with similar negative connotations. I don't think I could ever consider myself a cynic or a skeptic, but there are times when I realize that I do have a whole lot of questions that only seem to make sense to myself - and sometimes the answers are utterly incomprehensible to me.

There's the first kind of fear - which is something that I imagine is most familiar to those who have to struggle to live. One can feel it when they have to climb a cliff with only some rickety ropes and random strangers to place one's trust (and life) on - and the only way to deal with it is to smile (or laugh maniacally), throw caution to the wind and proceed with reckless (or measured, at the very least) abandon.

Then there's the good kind of fear, the type that provides motivation because failure is simply inconceivable. It's the kind that drives one to memorize the answers to seven hundred questions in an insanely desperate bid for a change of pace. It's the kind that serves as a substitute to caffeine, especially when one has to come up with something short of a miracle to graduate on time, on top of other equally important concerns.

Naturally, there's the fear of the unknown - which isn't that much of a concern, really, because there is always someone else who has already walked down every unfamiliar path that we come across. Most of the time, it isn't really wrong or embarrassing to ask for directions as opposed to rushing in blind and hoping for the best. Foolhardiness, after all, has a hard limit.

And then there's the last kind of fear - the kind that rears it curious head when reason and common sense (which are often quite helpful crutches, so to speak) are thrown out the window. It's the fear that one feels when they realize that the shoes they walk in are really, really fucking strange and that conventional wisdom won't really work. Or at least that's what it feels like.

But we push forward anyway.

What the hell, though. Might as well get to it.

Ones and Zeroes

"It's not a straight trade. You don't get to trade your shortcomings for someone else's best assets. It's a package deal. It's the full suite, or it's nothing. Thinking about jealousy in that way was one of the healthiest decisions of my life. It turns petty jealousy into nothing, and it turns real jealousy into genuine awe."
- Daniel O'Brien, 4 Difficult Ways to Simplify Your Life (That Are Worth It)

People shouldn't really be taking life lessons from a comedy website, but some things just make so much sense that sometimes they get stuck to you on your way out.

Sometimes it's hard to wrap my head around the concept of people being the sum total of their experiences in life. It's easy to be envious of someone you don't really know, especially if what they show publicly makes it seem that they have it easy in life.

As I've written posts about time and again, this is often not the case - everyone has their own share problems and others are just better at hiding (or ignoring) them than others.

I guess when it comes down to it, all-or-nothing point of view is an interesting perspective. It reminds us that people's perks (sorry for the video game term) often compensate for their flaws, and that this is often how life deals its deck - everyone has good cards, bad cards and horrible cards and it's up to them to come up with the best way to play them. There will always be bad days and accepting that fact is probably the key to appreciating the good ones.

In this sense, I guess the article is right. It's easier to be happy with what one has in life when you consider every quality others have (instead of just the positive ones) and decide that some of them aren't exactly worth the price of admission while others are worth it - wrinkles and all (forgive the cheese).

As food for thought, isn't it nice that this all-or-nothing approach applies to the people one chooses to be around with?

Because I Am Just As Lost As Everyone Else

The strange thing about being known as an avid listener of other people's stories is that people tend to expect some sort of advice once they spill the beans to you. The problem with people asking for advice is that more often than not, they often seek affirmation for their position on the matter, rather than seek actual help.

Sometimes, as much as I'd like to be the one doing the affirming, it feels more important to lay down all the cards from a cold point of view and give an impromptu reality check. That's the thing about being friends with someone - there's a degree of proximity to be trusted as a confidant, yet there's that distance (even for best friends) that would allow someone space to think things through without the pressure commanded by close family.

For what it's worth, I've always hated those few times that affirmation wasn't an option. And I really hate it when I have to do it while feeling sick, because thinking of things to say is a hit-and-miss for me when I'm sleep-deprived and groggy from the meds that I have to take to be able to barely function like a zombie.

This was one of those weeks.

I hate it when I have to stop someone from doing something incredibly stupid, even if everyone else (including myself) thinks it's a funny idea and it's a friend's sacred duty to push other friends into hilarious situations.

I hate telling someone that they didn't make a horrible first impression but they messed up the subsequent ones.

I hate telling someone that there isn't anything they can do to change those impressions if they're going to mope.

I hate telling someone that people like people because they perceive value in them - whether it's a certain set of skills, or that they make for good company, or that they uplift the things around them.

I hate telling someone that being nice does not count because everyone can and will be nice if they want to.

I hate telling someone that trying to learn things that would add value to them as a person is a step in the right direction, that most of the time it's the only direction and that more often than not, is the reward in itself.

I hate telling someone that it's badass for a person to be able to do what others refuse to do because of a misplaced sense of pride.

And when all else fails, I hate telling someone what happened after they wake up from the metaphorical knockout that they brought upon themselves.

Maybe it's because sometimes, there are bastards you just can't seem to abandon because they've done the same for you in the past - when you thought of something incredibly stupid and everyone else thought it was a funny idea.

Jeez, sometimes I don't even believe the things I say.

Dunbar's Hurr Durr

Sometimes you'd be so preoccupied with your thoughts that things are delegated to autopilot. Then you'd run into someone, mutter a quick sorry and walk on without giving it much thought (although the apology was sincere, honest).

You'd only realize a few seconds later that something seemed off, look back and recognize someone by their tattoo sleeve, of all things.

You'd grant yourself a small chuckle, because you were absent-mindedly humming one of their band's songs just moments ago.

Ah well, back to those thoughts.

Laputan Machines

Spot on, kid. (Source: Reddit)

So a friend recently shared a story about one of his vacations with college-folk at Anawangin Cove. He noticed that instead of actually enjoying the place (which I imagine is what a lot of people actually do), most of them were glued to their phones (for social media purposes) or their Blackberries (looking at work-related stuff for that company, which in itself is a part of a very long epic, but that's a story for another day - far in the future).

On a related note, we were having a discussion a few weeks back about how children seem to intuitively know their way around modern gadgets, even more so than the actual adult owners. Heck, I see that in my younger brother, who we tend to ask help from whenever we needed the sound system set up or something similar.

I guess I now know how our parents must have felt when they saw us tinkering with the computer all those years ago and being better at it than them, even if they've been doing it for years.

It's odd that I'd even post something about being too attached to technology, since I am guilty of it most of the time. I could say majority of my online time is spent juggling browser tabs - for starters, there's Twitter, Cracked, the KoL forums, other blogs I'm subscribed to and the occasional Facebook trolling browsing, and that's not counting the things I do on the phone (like Instagram and such) - as if it's even used as a phone nowadays.

I guess people have an obsession with having to have proof of every minute detail of their lives these days, given the ease that modern technology allows us to do so. We could blame this packrat tendency on the sheer cost of living nowadays (because if it's expensive, you're probably only going to do it once), on the need for a virtual scrapbook that we don't have to lug around wherever we go, or maybe even on sheer vanity.

Maybe there's no helping it, just as there was no helping the surge of popularity of mobile communications all those years ago.

Then again, isn't merely enjoying the view for it's own sake worth anything anymore, even for just a little while?

On Perceptions and Broken Records

Because perception can be tricky sometimes.

"How rich you are depends on how rich you experience the world to be."
- David Cain

Oftentimes, we seem to think that it's the other way around. There's this concept called Parkinson's Second Law, which states that one's expenditures rise to meet one's income.

As much as I'd like to disagree and say that this is a silly notion, I can't. Additional responsibilities notwithstanding (especially in a Filipino point-of-view), I'm guessing that this applies to everyone who wasn't born with silver spoons in their mouths.

My folks used to tell my siblings and me that a common mistake that people do is to burn resources that they haven't earned yet - the proverbial counting-of-chickens-before-they-hatch trap. Earnest as that may sound (and to our silent protests), they were right on two fronts - first, that whatever we don't spend creates some sort of wiggle room for the future; and second, that the mere knowledge that we have this wiggle room is fulfilling in itself (even if we tend to blow said resources on dumber things anyway instead of actual emergencies or whatnot, but I digress).

That's not entirely the point of this post, by the way.

Sometimes, I wonder why there are folks who are seemingly (heck, visibly even) affluent but seem to have this air of misery around them. Conversely, the same wonder could be said for those who seem to have nothing (and get thrown under the bus every so often) but still carry on - despite the fact that life has thrown them everything but the kitchen sink.

At this point, I know I might seem like a broken record but sometimes I need to remind myself that it all boils down to whatever level of contentment we perceive to derive from things we do.

I've read somewhere (sorry for the lack of attribution, but it's probably Cracked) that humans are symbolic by nature and that entire cultures are based around them - rituals, superstitions, keepsakes, hobbies, and art, among others. I guess this somehow points back to the quote above.

Whether that's a well-kept secret or I'm too slow on these things, I'm not exactly sure.

To the Chump Who Cut Classes in the Library

Hi Sixteen Year-old Me,

I'm writing this eight years into (an alternate) future, so listen up and listen well. You're in your third year of high school, which would probably mean you have two more years of awkwardness to take on. I say probably, because you know how our unique school system works. Scary, yes?

Naturally, my first instinct (like everyone else) would be to give you a bunch of lotto numbers or notes on things to invest on, because isn't that why time machines are for? Actually, maybe that's why the universe is making it so hard to build the damn things, but I digress. Then again, I'd really rather have you mess a bunch things up - after all, resilience makes for better people or something.

First things first - I'm writing this from an alternate timeline. You will face a few critical choices in a few months, but the outcome will be entirely up to you. I'm pretty sure you already have a small inkling about this but unless you somehow learn how to play any musical instrument, most of the things you've set your eyes on for the next few years would pretty much be shattered.

I know you have every right to be angry, but don't sweat too much about it - things will work out for the best. Sure, mom and dad will give you a lot of crap about it (and they have very good reason to) but they'll eventually come into terms with it. If there's one thing that has been constant in your life, it's that things always sort themselves out, no matter how inescapable they seem sometimes.

I'm sure you're wondering if I'll drop any hints, so I'll hand over a few. Don't say I didn't warn you.

You're playing quite a bit of M:TG now, but let me tell you one thing - stop at the end of the Mirrodin block. You won't be playing much after that, especially since you'll be getting that sweet ProsBloom deck in a few months. I know it's sort of hard to fathom how that can happen, so let me tell you - it gets sold because the owner needed prom money, gets sold again because the next owner needs the cash for MMO purchases and you snag it for cheap because the next owner gets addicted to MMOs as well. Trust me on this, it will be one of your first good investments. Trading cards could go a long way - that's a quote from one of your future favorite graphic novels. Hint: it's a romance - I know, right?

Speaking of MMOs, do not play any of them, ever. That's a lot of wasted money. You'll recoup some of it, but not the time you've heavily invested on it. Instead read more, go out a lot more and blow stuff up. I'm only half serious about that last one.

Also, you'll eventually learn to appreciate this but learn to roll with the punches that life throws at you. There are a lot of (non-illegal, non-asshat) things you swore you'd never do because they're sappy or whatever, but the universe will make you do them anyway - and you'll have fun doing them. Well, sort of.

Anyhow, here's a few things I would like you to look forward to. I won't post spoilers, but I think this will save you a lot of overthinking.

A year from now, make sure you have something that could record videos. You'll the the sickest lightning show ever (while atop a frickin' mountain). Get that stuff on tape.

Don't bother working so much for your thesis, at least until you really have something concrete. You'll need the sleep because things will become very hectic during your couple of years in college. The answer will literally come to you in a dream, although this will make you realize that the course you took isn't something you'd want to do for a living. Oh, and also, don't miss out on any extracurricular activities. It's just that you'll be needing every single point - it turns out not everyone is gifted with empathy (no matter how ridiculously valid your reasons are).

You'll be back on that mountain I mentioned above in five years' time. Take photos - lots of photos. I don't know when I'd get a chance to get back there (or if I even will), so take advantage of the opportunity.

You'll meet the weirdest bunch of people on your first job. Don't be too quick to judge people - some are way more interesting (and fucked up, in a good way) than you initially think. You already know this too - there are folks who are too smart they seem messed up at first sight. Make sure you befriend them, because you will need friends who look at the world much differently than you do. Listen to the advice they give. It will sound counterproductive from time to time but if retrospect could be trusted, their words will check out just fine.

Bring a hoodie each time you head out in the first half of 2012.

Also, make sure that you have a half-decent camera by mid-April 2012. For some reason, you'll end up in the middle of nowhere and you'll see one of the most poetic things in your life - a starless, pitch black sky with Venus and Mars close together under a full moon. That's not even a metaphor, you will literally see this and not capturing it in a photo would be a real shame.

Ditch all plans on 29th June 2012. You will gain absolutely nothing from that day. Actually, a better idea is to change venues - I should have thought of that sooner.

On 22nd September 2012, indulge in a little self-entitlement. Oh, and make sure that you look back. This sounds a little vague, but you'll understand it when it happens. Just know that if you do look back, you'll be diverging from my timeline, so good luck with that.

That's about it, really. It will be awesome, I promise you. Heck, I promise that to myself every time.

Stay humble, stay curious and for fuck's sake, stay hungry.

Cheers,
Your Older-But-None-the-Wiser  Self