Tranquil

So it looks like the first half of June is a lost cause. All I've asked for was to be given consecutive days off, but even that couldn't be granted. I'm not exactly fully functional when I only have one day off, especially if I have to work in the morning. Anyway, it's probably for the better, as I'm essentially broke for that period of time anyway. And yes, it's because of grown up responsibilities, which sucks.

I want to share one of my favorite blog posts as of late. Sometimes, we are begged the question of how far we are willing to let things slide. How nice is too nice? Where should someone stand in the asshole-to-doormat spectrum? Is there a point where we could be selfish for our own benefit and have it still be morally acceptable? Because if there is, I've been doing a lot of things wrong.

The thing is I tend to try to avoid confrontations a lot more often than I should. I often feel like there are better ways to resolve conflicts than petty argument. I have no issues with settling for a compromise and it really ticks me off when things have already been decided beforehand without any opportunity for amends.

I truly hope that I wouldn't have to eat my own words and pull up scorecards. I hope I can someday proudly say that I didn't have do that even if everyone did it, because it's just wrong. I hope that somehow I could earn the things I want without cutting corners.

A friend of mine said that we should always look into the lighter side of things, whether they were good or bad. I suppose that's one way of looking at life's troubles. When you've made a living out of turning things around and taking on increasingly difficult odds, it's words like those that get stuck to you. Sometimes simple words like those hold so much meaning in them, and it's such a waste that a lot us us take it for granted. It's people like them who make me realize that not everything is horrible when it's seen from the right perspective.

So I guess I'll have to tank through the next couple of weeks.

As the proverb goes, this too shall pass.

The Struggle Against Self-Entitlement

"Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark."
-Carl Sagan

So this is something I've been really struggling to get out of my system for quite a while now. I'll be lying if I said it's not a losing battle.

Someone I know once said that there is no greater disease to society than the (misplaced) sense of self-entitlement. I argued that perhaps apathy was a good contender, but then again not giving a crap is most likely because of an inflated sense of self importance anyway.

I see this in myself as much as I see it in others. We, subconsciously or otherwise, always expect a bigger cut of the proverbial cake. We think we deserve special treatment. We think society automatically owes us something for everything we do. We have this deeply ingrained mindset regarding a system of 'reward and punishment' that it is rare for us to do what is right without any sensible reason.

We see it in the person who cuts in line because they decided they could get up late and expect to get to work on time. We see it in the beggars who complain when you only give them a small amount of change. We see it in the traffic enforcers who let people cheat the system for some money. We see it in the pickpockets and muggers roaming our streets who believe that what they do constitutes earning a living. We see it in the common laborers, who think that drowning their sorrows in alcohol is a reward for their hard work. We see it in the people who give themselves (and are often given) priority because they command a higher pay grade. We see it in the illegal tenants who will fight to the death for land they do not own. We see it in the corruption that permeates the government we are supposed to trust with our hard earned money.

It is a fact that selflessness is only attributed to heroes nowadays. And with a society like ours, those who are willing to sacrifice and uphold what they believe in are usually deemed expendable.

It's been said that the high road is a long and lonely path. We've been questioned why we still do things the hard way when there's an easier one. What people don't realize is that when a flood arrives, only those on the high road will have dry shoes.

But then again, I don't know. I'm done with metaphors for the moment. There's just something about the moral norm nowadays that disturbs me.

We can always hope, I guess.

A Few Tips for Job Hunters

So you’ve submitted your resume and you finally got that call for an interview. This is the point where many of us make or break it, and here are a few tips to increase your odds of securing that job you applied for, as well as to know if you really want the said job for the long run.

Remember that asking questions is one way of showing your interest towards the open position!

Look up the company background.

This should be a no brainer, but a lot of people tend to rush in blind towards an interview. One common question applicants receive is how much do they know about the company they’re applying for. A quick search on Google, or Wikipedia (especially if it’s a well-known company) would be enough to know what the company does as well as give you an idea of your possible role within the organization.

Look up the company culture.

It’s a given fact that companies treat their employees differently. It’s also a known fact that people of the same feather flock together. Some companies are laid-back, while others enforce very strict rules and metrics. If you want to gauge if you’ll fit in with the company culture, you could try to look up online forums and check the feedback from former and current employees of your dream company. Be prepared to read some harsh words though, as sometimes the threads turn into flamewars. Sites like Pinoy Exchange could cater to this.

Ask if there would be any training opportunities.
This is always a big plus. While we learn things while doing actual work, you cannot replace actual classroom training with certified instructors (or being sent abroad). It’s something you can add to your resume in your list of acquired skills and would show that the company cares for an employee’s career growth. Just remember to ask if there would be a bond (where you cannot switch companies for a certain period of time after being trained). In case there is, keep in tip number two in mind and see if the bond is worth it.

Ask for their arrangements during holidays, especially if it is a foreign company.

As we are all aware of, the Philippines has become one of the largest BPO hubs in the world. This means that chances are that we’re working for companies under different time zones and different cultures. Some companies give employees days off when it’s a holiday on the host country, some give days off when it’s a holiday here. There are cases where neither or both are observed. Just remember that whatever the case may be, you’re entitled to a benefit of some sort (ie. holiday premiums or additional days off). When in doubt, ask!

Ask them to give the specifics of the position you’re applying for.

This bit is tricky but it is worth doing. Make sure to ask the interviewer the scope of your job. This would help avoid any misunderstanding when you finally get hired. If you’re in IT, for example, you may not like programming but you like doing support work. Make sure that it is clear from the beginning that this would be the case.

One last thing. Read your contract before signing!

Remember that most of the things described above should be in your contract. In case some of your demands have been met (additional days off, health benefits, etc.), make sure they’re specified in the contract as well.
So those are just a few pointers to keep in mind during job interviews. Just make sure that whatever job you apply for, make sure that you know that you’re actually interested in doing it and that you’re learning from the experience.

Happy job hunting!

Defiance

"The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible."
-Arthur C. Clarke

So ever since I've started working, a lot of people have been pestering me to leave the country as soon as I had the chance. They firmly believed that there is no longer any hope here of making it, so to speak. The thing was they did have a point.

I would be lying if I said I loved this country and thus would accept all its faults with open arms. Only a fool would say that. As a matter of fact, there are plenty of reasons to think that we have reached a point of no return.

After all, who would want to live in a place where the common mentality is to pull everyone down with them? Who would want to wake up every morning knowing that at any moment they could be screwed by the very people they trust to protect them? Who would want live in a place knowing that their taxes are either spent on useless things, or are kept for personal use? Who would want to see that whenever there is real work taking place, it has to have the name of the person overseeing it on a poster somewhere, as if to remind the commoners that the people in power are doing their work?

However, if you look really hard, you would see things that don't add up. You'd see people living comfortably in highrise condominiums. You'd see people mucking about in posh malls. You'd see people going to vacations on a whim. There must be something we're not seeing here, we thought.

Well, we've decided to go that route.

I've had a chat with another former work colleague the other day. While a lot of them were quitting dead-end jobs, this dude talked about taking an IT-related course (he was an engineer) so he could stand and bang with the IT professionals. He revealed that there have been recent openings in some companies where work compensation was ridiculous. It was ridiculous to the point that leaving the country seemed like a very dumb idea when those opportunities exist here.

The crazy thing is that I know deep down that as a goal it is attainable, and that it can be done within a reasonable amount of time. I am well aware that I may be setting myself up for a huge fall. But I feel like it would be such a waste if I turn back now. I have to know how far I can push things.

Well, some of our dreams in life sound insane.

I've read somewhere that humanity's special power is that it is able to turn the impossible into something believable, and the believable into the possible.

We have work to do.

An Appeal to Sapience

"Faith without reason leads to superstition. Reason without faith leads to nihilism and relativism."
-Pope John Paul II, Fides et Ratio (quote summarized)

So first off, just a few quick disclaimers, this is a rant, not a post about religion. Secondly, despite the tags, I am definitely NOT a fan of the work of the artist concerned. I have to be fucking clear as crystal on that point.

Lastly, look at the quote above, especially the first part, then look at the name of the person who said that.

Anyway, unless you live under a rock, you'd know that a certain artist has been making the rounds in the local news lately, not because of her work, but because of protests from certain religious groups and politicians with regards to her music. They claim that there are blatant and subliminal messages in her work, and that it influences whoever listens to it and turns them to the dark side of the Force.

I do not understand the bigotry that is prevalent in society nowadays. We talk about things like freedom of expression and the right to free speech, yet so many people who claim that they respect those rights quickly lose it the moment they do not agree or try to understand the idea being presented to them.

I do not believe in censorship. It is a massive 'fuck you' to the human capacity for judgement. It is an affront to free will. No one has the right to dictate what and what should not be seen, heard or experienced by any individual, much less an entire country. Humans, as intelligent creatures, are solely responsible for their actions, and it is illogical to shift blame to things that are external and completely unrelated to the problems at hand.

It is an insult to think that people would do irresponsible things because of what they perceive in pop culture. It is utterly irresponsible to spend taxpayer's money on matters like this, when there are more morally reprehensible issues plaguing our country. It is insane to say that people would be damned if they listen to certain songs, watch certain movies or play certain games.

It is a sad day for humanity when the same people who often preach about not casting the first stone  have already emptied their moral catapults at the first thing they see that they don't agree with.

TLDR: Come on, people. Don't make fools of yourselves. We have greater things to achieve, and this is not one of them.

The Edge of Chaos

"Complex systems tend to locate themselves at a place we call "the edge of chaos". We imagine the edge of chaos as a place where there is enough innovation to keep a living system vibrant, and enough stability to keep it from collapsing into anarchy."
-Michael Crichton, The Lost World

So I caught up with a bunch of my former work colleagues over the weekend. It seems that there's another massive wave of attrition going on. Those were good, dependable people, but it's not surprising that what happened finally broke their will after three years worth of keeping up with the crap and hoping for change.

I remember a professor of mine once said something like justice is being given every person what is due to them. If that's the case then people, as a whole, are being severely shortchanged most of the time. It sucks that accomplishments nowadays are only considered useful if there are numbers to back them up. It's sad that nobody really knows or cares about what has been sacrificed to provide those numbers, save for the people at the bottom of the heap.

The thing is that in many cases we lose the balance we have carefully tried to maintain over time. It's difficult to act and make choices when there are so many restrictions in place and so many metrics to fulfill, while at the same time we are asked to provide more and more. These are times when people are forced to place a value on things and more often than not, they have to drop something to keep everything important - their values, their beliefs, their dreams, their responsibilities - in line.

I will forever be a proponent of free will. It feels like the world restricts our choices nowadays, especially in these times when making a living is becoming increasingly difficult. People tend to forget that there is always the option of walking away.

Sometimes it's useful to just lean back so we could see that something will just not work out and hence we should cut our losses. In the long run, it would probably be good for everyone involved. Sometimes it's better to find something else that we know we want to do, instead of giving a half-assed effort on something we hate doing.

They say freedom has its responsibilities. We could probably argue the inverse, that for every responsibility we take on, we should be granted the freedom it entails. After all, wouldn't that be justice?

Going Supernova

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us."
-Marianne Williamson

So I got that one off CourtneyPants a couple of weeks ago.

I've always felt that we could accomplish things by having a mix of two qualities: skill and motivation. (And no, luck does not count. It's the universe's cheat code.) I've don't think I've ever been what people call book smart. Instead, I got by mostly via trial and error as well as deconstructing things to baser concepts. It's time consuming, yes, but it works for me at least. That's probably why tasks become boring and routine to me after a short while.

This makes me feel like I've been coasting for the longest time now, and somehow that just does not sit well with me. Maybe I lack motivation at this point. Maybe I have not found a worthwhile cause yet. Maybe it's just burnout. I've heard time and again that I always seem passive to people who don't really know me. It's most likely because I have the habit of thinking things through way too far ahead. Am I terrified of unforeseen consequences? That's a safe bet.

Also, I am bothered when people pin expectations on me, and that's happening more and more often nowadays. I'd rather be underestimated, at least there's leeway to blow expectations out of the water. I believe that things happen in their own time. I feel that we receive less when things are forced to happen and we miss the opportunities that were truly meant for us.

I don't know. At the very least, I am thankful that I don't live a hard life. Not even close to what other people have to go through. There's still an awful lot of things to figure out though, but I guess that's fine.

One day at a time. I going to fucking earn it if I have to, just like everything else.

After all, games are no fun if we're playing on god mode.

On Books, Stories and Written Words

So lately, I’ve found myself wandering around Manila looking for second-hand book shops again. Apparently, 2012 is a slow year for gaming, as there are very few games coming out that I’m actually interested in, but I digress.

Reading has always been a fallback pastime for me, and I tend to jump in whenever there’s nothing left to play or no shows to watch on my free time.

I guess the affinity for books came from the fact that it has always been a struggle to get my folks to get us toys back then, but they rarely said no whenever we wanted them to get something for us to read, whether we wanted graphic novels, literary classics or whatever piece of literature we found ourselves pointing to on frequent visits to book stores. I guess being tasked to do book reviews every quarter in school was a major factor too, especially when we had to read books which were, to be honest, unbearably boring. I even recall spending weeks at a time at my grandparents’ house, rummaging through the old books my aunts and uncles have dumped there over the years. It might sound strange, but I knew about Jaws and Star Wars from the books first before the movies.

Does it pay off in the long run? Maybe it does. The sheer amount of trivia (or useless knowledge as we call it) as well as reading comprehension are just the bonus perks. I think the real value is in the fact that we became better listeners and we found it easy to appreciate the stories other people tell. We see the effort that others put into telling those stories, whether it’s something simple that made their day or some worries they just needed to get off their chest. We learned that people experience similar stories and we learned the merits of seeing things from different perspectives.

Could those things be learned from real life experience alone? I don’t doubt that, since different people learn one thing different ways and to each their own. This after all, is just an opinion too.

Sliver

So, Mother's Day.

It's quite hard to believe that ten years have passed since that clusterfuck of a medical catastrophe that almost claimed mum. The hardest part of that was probably dealing with the the aftermath and finally coming into terms with it.

What happened? Well, she gave birth to my youngest sibling. No one was sure whether it was due to the size of my brother (read: HUGE) or whether someone in the medical staff messed up (I'm looking at you, anesthesiologist), but mum ended up in a critical condition. She managed to recover, although her memory wasn't quite the same since.

I don't know about everyone else in the family (and I never really cared to ask), but the next few years was a harrowing test in patience. Imagine being asked the same trivial questions over and over again several times an hour. Imagine being called a lot at odd hours to be reminded of errands which were already completed days prior. Imagine every accomplishment being quickly forgotten, while every shortcoming is almost as if they're etched in stone. Imagine family memories being non-existent to her, yet is fondly remembered by everyone else. Imagine being at fault all the time, because whoever is responsible doesn't remember that fact in the first place.

Then imagine having to shoulder the expectations and burdens of an eldest child on top of that.

Maybe it was the best (and most brutal) way of teaching patience to us. Maybe it was a way to teaching us that humility comes with accomplishments, and we would be better off building over them instead of showing them off. Maybe we were being taught to never take things for granted. Maybe it was a lesson in every person's mortality and how it affects everyone else around us. Maybe we had to be taught to make the most of everything we receive, whether it was material or otherwise.

For every shortcoming though, it cannot be fucking denied that mum tries and still gets the job done right. That in itself is already a miracle.

I am well aware that she would never read this entry (and I prefer it that way). But just the same, I'll always have her back just as she covered mine, even if we never got along all the time.

Fuck, that was difficult to write.

Rolling Like Shiren

So forgive me in advance if this post would turn out to be a tad bit nonsensical. Not that I make sense most of the time.

Anyway, I had an unusual day off yesterday. I've never really had a day off in the middle of the week before, so I decided to just head out - no plans. Just sort of get lost somewhere, and uncover more of that 'fog of war' many people have. I've been meaning to do that for the longest time now, and it's something I can't do on weekends, since folks at home have a tendency to tag along. It's not that I mind, but there are some things one must do alone. Also, I tend to walk around a lot, and most of the time, those tagging along tend to whine about being tired or wanting to head back, which takes away the fun of being lost.

Or maybe it's just that I'm socially retarded, whatever.

One thing to note is that places are really different during weekdays. There tend to be less people in one's usual haunts, so places which are crowded during weekends look really different (and more peaceful). I've managed to find a couple of new places to eat at as well as some used book shops (and a pile of books I've wanted to buy for a while now), so I'll probably be back once I've sorted some things out.

I'm not sure if there's anything new I've learned from yesterday. I'm guessing getting lost is probably a learning experience in itself. And I really need that lesson, as everything will probably be uncharted territory for the foreseeable future, metaphorically and literally speaking.

I did say I won't be making sense today, yes?

The Fulcrum

"I think for most people, there is a tipping point where you realize that there are more people who depend on you than there are people who you depend on."
- David Wong, on the turning point of reaching one's adulthood

So should I be thankful then that at this point in time I don't feel like I have not reached the tipping point yet? I'd be lying if I said I have everything figured out. I feel that I'm tentative more times than I'd care to acknowledge. That there is way more guesswork than I'm comfortable with. That I ask the same question back because other people's guesses are more likely just as good as mine, if not outright better.

On a related note, I cringe every time relatives draw comparisons. Most people don't realize how loaded the term "role model" is. It's almost as if it's implied that one has things in order and is hence responsible to teach those to others. What most people don't realize is that there is no easy way to tell someone that repeated failure was the way those "things" have been figured out. Besides, I know, for a fact, that I'm a horrible teacher.

Life does not provide a syllabus, but it often gives us a ridiculously wide margin for error.

Weighing the Scales

So last week was sort of an epiphany. One can only wake up alone in the house so many times because he had work the night before, and the folks have gone to some trip. One can only miss so many vacations, so many gatherings, so many life-changing events. I seem to always forget that those are probably the very reasons why I work in the first place.

I have often asked myself how workaholics balance the five factors in life. It often turns out that the answer is that they most likely don't. Most of the time, people can balance four, tops, which is scary. I've known people who work fourteen-hour shifts. I've had friends who only had other friends attend their graduation because their parents couldn't make it. I've heard of people ditching others because something more important came up at work and they had to be there. And I sure as fuck wouldn't turn myself into a godless machine to ensure business continuity.

I cannot work in operations forever, because that's a ticket to an early grave. And I simply cannot do development for a living. There's just something that does not make me want to blur the line between work and personal time and that's something that gets sacrificed in this line of work.

I don't know what I'll give to know what my options are at this point.

Finding Elysium

So it looks like I'm slated for ITIL training next week. That should be interesting.

I'm well aware that I'm not supposed to look a gift horse in the mouth, but I can't help to question if it's something I'll be needing for the long term.

(Note to self: Yes, it probably is, unless something instantly makes me filthy rich.)

One might ask why I'm a little tentative on this. The following quote pretty much sums up my answer: 

"I see the people who do the real work; and what's really sad is that the people that are most giving, hardworking and capable of making this world better, usually don't have the ego and the ambition to be a leader. They don't see the interest in superficial rewards, they don't care if their name ever appears in the press. They actually enjoy the process of helping others."
-Celine, Before Sunset

Besides, I'm guessing my general attitude towards assuming leadership roles is similar to that of me writing code. The reward is in knowing that it's something I'm capable of doing, yet I don't see myself doing it for a living. I mean, I love food, but I don't have to be Kobayashi to affirm that, do I?

(EDIT: Wow, I actually managed to not use profanity in a post for once. I must thus double the dose in my next post.)