Sunday, May 20, 2012

Going Supernova

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us."
-Marianne Williamson

So I got that one off CourtneyPants a couple of weeks ago.

I've always felt that we could accomplish things by having a mix of two qualities: skill and motivation. (And no, luck does not count. It's the universe's cheat code.) I've don't think I've ever been what people call book smart. Instead, I got by mostly via trial and error as well as deconstructing things to baser concepts. It's time consuming, yes, but it works for me at least. That's probably why tasks become boring and routine to me after a short while.

This makes me feel like I've been coasting for the longest time now, and somehow that just does not sit well with me. Maybe I lack motivation at this point. Maybe I have not found a worthwhile cause yet. Maybe it's just burnout. I've heard time and again that I always seem passive to people who don't really know me. It's most likely because I have the habit of thinking things through way too far ahead. Am I terrified of unforeseen consequences? That's a safe bet.

Also, I am bothered when people pin expectations on me, and that's happening more and more often nowadays. I'd rather be underestimated, at least there's leeway to blow expectations out of the water. I believe that things happen in their own time. I feel that we receive less when things are forced to happen and we miss the opportunities that were truly meant for us.

I don't know. At the very least, I am thankful that I don't live a hard life. Not even close to what other people have to go through. There's still an awful lot of things to figure out though, but I guess that's fine.

One day at a time. I going to fucking earn it if I have to, just like everything else.

After all, games are no fun if we're playing on god mode.

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