Monday, May 14, 2012


So, Mother's Day.

It's quite hard to believe that ten years have passed since that clusterfuck of a medical catastrophe that almost claimed mum. The hardest part of that was probably dealing with the the aftermath and finally coming into terms with it.

What happened? Well, she gave birth to my youngest sibling. No one was sure whether it was due to the size of my brother (read: HUGE) or whether someone in the medical staff messed up (I'm looking at you, anesthesiologist), but mum ended up in a critical condition. She managed to recover, although her memory wasn't quite the same since.

I don't know about everyone else in the family (and I never really cared to ask), but the next few years was a harrowing test in patience. Imagine being asked the same trivial questions over and over again several times an hour. Imagine being called a lot at odd hours to be reminded of errands which were already completed days prior. Imagine every accomplishment being quickly forgotten, while every shortcoming is almost as if they're etched in stone. Imagine family memories being non-existent to her, yet is fondly remembered by everyone else. Imagine being at fault all the time, because whoever is responsible doesn't remember that fact in the first place.

Then imagine having to shoulder the expectations and burdens of an eldest child on top of that.

Maybe it was the best (and most brutal) way of teaching patience to us. Maybe it was a way to teaching us that humility comes with accomplishments, and we would be better off building over them instead of showing them off. Maybe we were being taught to never take things for granted. Maybe it was a lesson in every person's mortality and how it affects everyone else around us. Maybe we had to be taught to make the most of everything we receive, whether it was material or otherwise.

For every shortcoming though, it cannot be fucking denied that mum tries and still gets the job done right. That in itself is already a miracle.

I am well aware that she would never read this entry (and I prefer it that way). But just the same, I'll always have her back just as she covered mine, even if we never got along all the time.

Fuck, that was difficult to write.

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