Grow Old...

"What a weary time those years were - to have the desire and the need to live but not the ability."
- Charles Bukowski

So I've learned long ago that we often only see one side of a story. I've also learned that there are always lessons to be learned from both sides and that it is an extremely rare occurrence when one gets to experience things from opposing perspectives.

Anyway, I remember those times when my parents used to tell me that when I start working and earning my own money, there would be a lot of things I'd eventually understand.

In my first job, I was essentially living from check to check. It's pretty difficult when one lives a meager life, whether it is by choice or by circumstance. I remember that the first thoughts that came to mind every single payday back then was on how to survive until the next one. Whatever the case may be, I always made it a point to avoid putting myself in debt. It might be silly to others but for me it was a matter of personal principle. I feel that people would be better off if they lived within their means.

Living on a tight budget taught me how to be content with what I had. I have to be honest, life often felt like a total wreck, and I often went to sleep trying to figure out where I messed up. Those were not comforting thoughts, but it kept the hunger for improvement alive.

I can never say I had it as bad as those who are legitimately suffering poverty, but not having anything to spend for wants gave me a very rough idea on how the poor still manage to smile despite their many problems.

I guess such trials embed a certain kind of resilience in people. I admire those who manage to stay sober while battling their personal demons. I feel that folks who consciously choose to take the high road are silent heroes. It takes a rare kind of individual to avoid doing wrong even when it has become the norm. Hopefully, in the end those who live honest lives would get their due. Honor is vastly undervalued nowadays, but we can always hope.

Ever the idealist. Even I hate playing this role sometimes.